Oh boy, just when things couldn't get any worse. Rob Zombie's atrocious remake just had to get a sequel because it did, of course, made money. Rob Zombie didn't even want to do the sequel but the studio was going to do it with or without him anyway, so he said what the hell might as well do it. When I first heard about it, I really didn't care but then again, I was hoping for a fresh new take on the story which would finally focus on Laurie this time, even though I really am not a fan of Scout-Taylor Compton's acting. However, it was all about how original the story was going to be which was the important part. But then I heard they were bringing back Sheri Moon Zombie who, in fact, (spoiler alert) died in the previous movie, which was confusing to me. Then they were cast a new child actor to play young Michael and I was like wait a minute that storyline was over and done with. AND then when Weird Al Yankovic, of all people, was going to be in this, that's when I knew this was going to be a pile of shit. Well, All I could say is, a sequel that wanted, a sequel that got. It was indeed a pile of shit. Woah, I mean, what a mindfuck of a movie. What makes it even worse is that the characters are twice as unlikeable and crazy, including Laurie herself, the directing is twice as bad, and the writing much more worse. I'm just gonna stop here and break this all down one by one because this is definitely one of the worst entries in the Halloween franchise But Halloween Resurrection still takes the top spot of being the worst. Though this won't get off the hook so easy.
The Story: One year (two years in the director's cut...really?) later, Laurie is deeply traumatized by the events of that fateful Halloween night. Constant dreams and hallucinations plague her, fearing that he might come back. But then it turns out...it's true.
The cast is what you expect. They're a bunch of assholes, including this one slimy paramedic guy who wants to have sex with a corpse. Let's just say Michael is able to take of him. Oh and be sure to check out a lot of unnecessary cameos along the way. The focus of this movie is all over the place and doesn't even take the time to focus on Dr. Loomis but considering that he's a total bastard in this movie, maybe that's a good thing. Not to mention that Laurie is insufferable as well. VERY insufferable. So through all the random people and lack of focus, they're really isn't much to dwell over.
Time and time again, I have compared Michael Myers to Jason Voorhees. And here, the contrast is so familiar it's like Michael can't have his own identity.
For some reason, his mom is brought back as ghost (Pamela Voorhees, anyone?) and tell Michael that he should kill to bring back his baby sister. OOOkay....So since the backstory of Michael is complete, this is where Rob Zombie wanted to take the continued story. It is just so out of bounds and is just an excuse to put his wife on film.
Most people complain about the aesthetic of Michael becoming a hobo, however, due to the fact that he is psychotic it would make sense. But don't think I'm defending this movie.
Michael is just a hulking killing machine at this point, killing anything that in his way. He's so strong, in fact, he lifts up a car while someone's inside. And I'm like really? Has he turned into the incredible hulk now? And again, having him as this two ton killing machine just doesn't impress me. It's been done to death!
Plus it was just unnecessary to have the ghost of his mother and his younger self in every scene. I mean literally every scene. I would've accepted to be a hallucination of his in a brief scene but to have ghostly mom and his kid self to be his willing henchman was flat out dumb.
But here's the dumbest part of the movie, Michael speaks. For the first time in the entirety of the whole series, Michael's first word is "DIE!" how fucking stupid is that? And it proves just how idiotic and weird this movie is.
Now we have Laurie, who has progressively gotten worse in this sequel. She is quite the raging bitch. I get that she's psychologically damaged after what's happened, but she literally treats everyone like crap. And what's with Laurie's appearance? She looks like a more of a bum than Michael does. It's one thing for Rob Zombie to have his male cast look like him but his female cast as well? Now that's a problem.
Not to mention hearing the shrilling voice of Scout-Taylor Compton in every waking moment really doesn't help matters either.
I think the character of Laurie has gone to the point of no return. What was once a likeable, intelligent, strong-wiled young woman in the Carpenter universe has turned into a dim-witted, obnoxious harpy in the Zombie universe. But I have to remind myself that this is a different movie series and this girl just so happens to have the same name as a beloved horror heroine. Scout-Taylor Compton, as always, was fucking horrible. Special mention to her ditzy friends who are nothing more than Annie and Lynda copycats, written in so they can get killed off later.
Dr. Loomis. Dear Lord, Dr. Loomis. Seriously what the hell happened? He is now a total narcissistic asshole in this version. And he does nothing heroic of the sort, pushing anybody in his way so he could get publicity for himself. Even going on talk shows featuring Weird Al Yankovic. Yes, guys, he is total prima donna. Now he's nothing more the typical grumpy wealthy old rich man who doesn't care about anybody but himself. Now Rob Zombie has turned John Carpenter's iconic hero into a self-absorbed, egotistical asshole. How fucking wonderful.
Brad Dourif performance is actually much better than the first one. Yes, there are times where the script sort of wans it down a bit but he pulled out okay. Although there is not much to him in this sequel, there is one pivotal scene where he discovers Annie's body. It's pretty sad to watch but then again I am NOT giving this movie any credit so I'll move on.
Speaking of Annie, we have Danielle Harris. Although she gets less screen time in this, she does get to show off her great acting chops in her one and only good scene. Even next to the horribly acted Scout-Taylor Compton, she pretty much holds her own.
Besides the fact that it was going to happen anyway, Rob Zombie decided to kill off Annie because he didn't know what to do with the character and it shows.
Now let's focus on the real problem with this movie which is the writing. Good God! is it awful. Then there's Rob Zombie's questionable dialogue. I don't mind swearing in some movies, but it's like these people speak another language or something. It was distracting in the first, and it's definitely distracting here. Did anyone get the whole White Horse scenario? Me neither. I think it was just some way to make the movie more deep and psychological but failing miserably. I don't know if Rob Zombie was high when he wrote this or what. Hell, John Carpenter was drunk when he wrote in the sister-brother subplot, but this, this is just nuts.
Well, let's combine the writing with the directing, which is also out of whack. Is this a amateur student film were watching? What's with Laurie's hallucinations and dreams? It's so damn confusing. All this, in the end, was just padding. Let's remind ourselves, people, that this is a two-hour long movie and it has LOTS of unnecessary scenes. But here's the go to punch to this, the first 26 minutes, which is retread of the original second movie, is ALL A DREAM. A fucking dream. And I knew, I knew that this movie was going to be a giant waste of time.
I'm going to stop here, though, not without saying that everybody dies: Loomis, Michael, Laurie. The. Fucking. End. I'm finished.
One more note though, the execs were pinning for a THIRD film to this but thank god, that it didn't happen. Because these people are seriously putting this film series in the gutter, way down to a deep dark hole.
The Verdict? What can I say? It's not really a remake of the sequel but If I had to choose, it would be the 1981 original. I wouldn't call it a great film by any means but it's a hell of a lot better than this pile of crap.
My Last Word: Never, never lay eyes upon this. Yes, it's that bad.
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