Barbie (2023)

 

In honor of Women's International Month and Barbie's recent 65th anniversary, I've decided to review the live-film version of Barbie starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling. The hype for this movie was inescapable and garnered overwhelming praise, including six Oscar nominations and many, many other awards. I'm telling you, it's a whole slew of nominations on Wikipedia that I can't even count. Now for the nominations for Ryan Gosling's performance? I get it. For the production design and costumes? Definitely deserved and was one of the main highlights of the movie. Best Original Screenplay and Best Picture? No. Just no. Now I didn't think the movie was god-awful or anything but I didn't think it was this modern masterpiece. I would even go on to say that this was one of the most overrated movies of 2023. Besides all that, I thought the cast did a really good job, and I did  get a few chuckles here and there, but it's the script that really brings the movie down. There are some really good ideas here that weren't executed well or were just completely abandoned. Anywho, let's get down to the nitty-gritty because there is a lot to discuss.

The first act is really well done. The World-Building, The Set-Up, Barbie's existential crisis, it's all good so far. And just to mention, everyone is perfectly cast in their roles. Besides the wonderful Ryan Gosling as Ken, we also have Issa Rae as President Barbie and Kate McKinnon as Weird Barbie, who were definite standouts. 

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling have amazing chemistry, and it would've been nice to see them together for the rest of the film, but....that's not how things turn out. The film falls apart for me around the middle section of the second act once Ken discovers that men rule the real world, which is ludicrous. Plus, I felt that the men in the real world were portrayed unrealistically. How I would describe them is cartoonish, bufoonish, and absolutely one-note. Ken is the only one considered a nuisance character from the rest of the male cast. And by the first third act of the movie, it becomes the battle of the sexes between the Barbies and Kens. Sure, that's fine and all, but I wish the writing was better. 

Okay, now let's move on to the characters and break them down one by one:

The Mattel executives were not needed in this, and I was taken out of the movie every time they appeared on screen. Will Ferrel was really irritating, and I know that's his brand of comedy, but it just didn't work for me. It was like the film was afraid to make the Mattel executives the villains, which would've made the movie more interesting, but since it didn't take those risks, they're just there for the most part. 

After the goofy chase scene involving the Mattel executives, Barbie runs into Mattel Secretary Gloria and her daughter Sasha. Barbie soon discovers that Gloria, not Sasha, is the lost little girl she needs to reconnect with. Now, I didn't have a problem with Gloria, and America Ferria was endearingly likable, but she just wasn't developed enough as a character. Gloria serves as the film's heart and is the secondary main character besides Barbie; however, there are only glimpses of her character arc without scratching the surface. It's implied that she's having a midlife crisis and projecting those insecurities onto Barbie. Yes, that is interesting, but the problem is, we never see Gloria struggle with that. Okay, what if she's this put-upon secretary who's gifted but usually ignored at her job. Since Gloria's husband is basically non-existent in the film, why not have her go through a divorce or kill him off. That's a little morbid, but it would've added more weight to her character arc. Therefore, her speech in the middle of the movie would've felt more earned. 

Now, we move on to my least favorite character in the movie, Sasha. Holy cow, this girl was annoying! Throughout most of the movie, all she does is bitch and complain, and oh god, it gave me such a splitting headache. She is supposed to be the typical moody, bratty teenage daughter, a character trope that has gotten egregious over time. A character like this could work if she was written better, but we never know what Sasha's damage is. She's just a self-centered, know-it-all teenager who treats her mom like crap for no reason. When Barbie meets her at her school, Sasha is framed as if she's the mean, popular girl, a character that Sasha herself would despise. And when you think about it, this might've been really good commentary because Sasha comes off as the "not like other girls" type of girl when, in actuality, she's no different from the so-called mean girls from her school. Case in point, we have Vivian Kensingston from Legally Blonde. She would be the typical brainy brunette that Elle Woods herself would look down upon, but the roles are reversed. I guess that's what the film is trying to go for, but I digress. In the movie's middle section, Sasha does come around...a little bit. I don't know. I just feel like this character was less developed than Gloria, and the film just didn't do a good job of making her the least bit likable until the end. 

Okay, I want to get this out of the way. I thought Gloria's husband was so irrelevant in this movie. He's basically a punchline, and his whole schtick is that he's a white guy trying to learn Spanish. I...just don't get the joke. It's absolutely cringeworthy, and I hate it. Sure, I know the actor was America Ferria's real-life husband. Sure, that's sweet and all, but he was not needed in the story. Like I said before, why not have Gloria go through a divorce or kill off the husband. This brings back the focus on Sasha. Maybe the reason why she's angry all the time is because she doesn't know how to grieve, whether it's through the divorce of a parent or the death of a parent. Then, when we get back to the scene where Barbie goes through her depression mode, SASHA is the one who convinces her to break out of it ("Don't give up," "I still believe in you"). Therefore, Sasha confesses that the reason why she rejected Barbie is because of societal pressures or her so-called friends in high school who keep telling her that Barbie is a bad representation of women and feminism. Then, Sasha confesses to her mom about her growing pains, Gloria makes her speech, and Mother Gloria and Daughter Sasha reconnect again. All I'm saying is that Gloria's husband was not needed, and the plot would've been better for it. 

Now, let's talk about Ruth Handler. I just want to get this off the bat: It's kind of disrespectful of the filmmakers to puppeteer a dead woman to serve a plot. There is a case of honoring one's spirit, but I wish they had handled it better. Oh yeah, and second of all, Ruth Handler, in real life, wasn't the typical grandma who made tea and baked cookies; she was a level-headed businesswoman who wanted to break the code. There is nothing against Rhea Pearlman; she did well with the role, but I would've imagined somebody like Glen Close or even Meryl Streep in a role like this. Also, I don't see Ruth in this quaint little kitchen sipping tea, oh no. I see her decked out in a sharp white suit in this slick white office with all the Barbie posters and all the collectible Barbie dolls prepped up like statues. The whole setting would be omnipresent and very cool-looking. Oh, what a missed opportunity that would've been, but the movie has plenty of missed opportunities, trust me.

But let me focus on the positives and talk about the two wonderful leads:

Ryan Gosling was just ah-dorable as Ken. I never knew that he knocked it off the part the way he did, but he totally sold it. Ken's story arc was actually well-developed. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but the one aspect I liked was how he was underappreciated by Barbie and felt inferior next to her. Sadly, I felt his story arc didn't come full circle. Sure, the film takes a turn and makes Ken the antagonist, but I wish the movie would dig deeper into Ken's insecurities and portray them in a way where it's both funny and sad. Okay, for example, Ken turns on the TV and shows Barbie how popular he's become in a scene in the movie. Okay, here's my what-if: What if GI Joe or a GI Joe-adjacent character becomes popular instead. Hell, John Cena made a cameo in this movie; he would've played this GI Joe-type character. On top of that, another good casting choice would be Zac Efron as Max Steel (I'm pretty sure some millennials know about this toy line). Okay, so Ken turns on the TV, and the announcer goes, "Now introducing GI Joe and his sidekick, Ken!" Ken would throw this massive bitch fit and say something like, "Oh, I'm always second best, but at least I'm better than you, Barbie!" that would've been a really good joke. And get this, the part where the Barbies pit the Kens against each other, what if Barbie was forming a faux love triangle between Ken and this GI-Joe character and the Max Steels, of course. Then, the I'm Just Ken sequence would be more palpable. I'm pretty sure there were some kids who had Barbie leave Ken for GI Joe, and that also would be ripe for comedy. This would make Ken feel he's not masculine enough compared to the more muscular, manly GI-Joe doll. So many missed opportunities. So many glorious missed opportunities. Besides all that, Ryan Gosling did a stellar job, and he's an absolute comedic genius without missing a beat. Although Ken is supposed to be the antagonist, you can't help but like the character, and that's due to Ryan Gosling's impeccable charm. And I must say, the man has a clean set of pipes on him. This guy is a massive triple threat. He can sing, act, and dance! Just an absolute treasure. Ryan Gosling's performance is truly the best thing about this movie. 

 

Speaking of, Margot Robbie as Barbie was just darling—truly, truly darling. Not only does she look like Barbie herself, but I also think she captured her spirit and put a lot of heart and soul into the role. As far as Barbie's story arc goes, it's a bit all over the place. Okay, so Barbie is having an existential crisis. Good, that's a nice setup for a character like Barbie. Then, her mission is to find the little girl playing her, who's obviously going through a depression. So, Barbie actually has a purpose, but sadly, it falls flat in the end. There are some aspects of Barbie's character that I did like. I like that she's an empath, representing Barbie as a whole. When you look into it, Barbie is empathic, and Greta captured that well. But I wish her story arc was more compelling. Okay, just to clarify this, I didn't like the ending. Why, oh why, would you end the movie with Barbie seeing a gynecologist. She deserved a better ending than that. What if it ended with Barbie taking control of her image and Mattel as a whole. What if she was the co-founder and Gloria was the new CEO. Then, it ends with Barbie, in a slick black and white striped business suit similar to her 1959 bathing suit, doing an advertisement on the newly revamped Mattel in which she says these words, "Hi, I'm Barbra Handler, the CFO of Mattel. And we girls, we can do anything!" I find that to be a much better ending than we got here, and it gives the whole women empowerment message a new light. But oh well, that's another missed opportunity. However, Margot Robbie did an amazing job, and I can't picture any other actress playing this part other than her. Bonus points for her being the producer of this movie as well. Margot Robbie is a definite class act.

The dialogue in the film is quite strange. I know that Greta Gerwig is trying to make a comedy here, but real people don't talk like that. There are instances where the dialogue could've been sharper and witty, but that's not the case here. Some of this did work in the first act, such as the "Beach You Off" scene. However, this scene goes on a little too long. That's actually the problem with most comedies these days: The jokes go on for too LONG. Will Ferrel does his improv schtick, which would've worked back in the early 2000s, but it's really egregious here. There's also too much of explaining the joke, which makes it less funny. Then you have Sasha's dialogue, which is basically social media buzzwords. Teenagers don't talk like that; they just don't. And that's one of the reasons why I found Sasha unlikable and annoying.  So yeah, the delivery of the dialogue was not that great.

Okay, let's discuss the film's writing, which is one of the movie's weakest points. Most of this stems from when Barbie enters the real world and encounters some unsavory men. There's a part where Barbie and Ken are at the beach, and this random guy slaps Barbie on the butt. Barbie, in response, punches him straight in the nose. It's obvious that the guy committed a crime, and sexual assault is a crime. Yet Barbie is the one who gets arrested, and Ken is too? But I guess the film is trying to hone in on the message that the real world is ruled by the patriarchy, and women who get assaulted can't stand a chance. I mean, really? It's clear that there is not any ounce of subtly in this portion of the movie. On top of that, you even have police officers coming onto Barbie. Get real. It would've been nice if they had a female police officer that said, "Hey, that outfit looks great on you." And Barbie would've said, "Oh, thanks." This would probably lighten things up and hone in on the fact that in the real world, some women hold the same power as men yet still look out for other women at the same time. This would've made Barbie's story arc more palpable and added more of the women supporting women message that the film is going for. 

The concept of the real is like watching a parody of a lifetime movie. I just couldn't get past it. So, Ken is apparently brainwashed by real-world patriarchy and brings it over to Barbieland. This could work if it was just a small group of men in the real world to give Ken this mindset instead of, you know, the entire state of California populated by men. Again, it's just ludicrous as hell.

The other thing I've noticed is how the Kens treat the Barbies. There's nothing that indicates, "Oh, this is bad." Dressing the Barbies in maid outfits and being subservient to the Kens can be degrading, but I wish there was more conflict with this. Like if the Kens acted like stereotypical obnoxious frat boys compared to their usual sweet selves. Then, we see how Barbie, Gloria, and Sasha get Barbie back to their matriarchy, and...it's really dumb. You see, they get the Barbies to act helpless toward the Kens to lure the other brainwashed Barbies out of their captivity. Then, they have the Barbies to make the other Kens jealous, and then, the whole fight battle and the (the very long) "I'm Just Ken" sequence begins. Therefore, the Barbies get their power back, the Kens get their equality, and all is well. Yeah, sure.

It's weird how this all reminds me of better movies. There would've been many instances when Barbie entered the real world, and the humor could've been similar to The Brady Bunch movies. You have this family who are straight out of a sitcom from the early 70s, yet they're placed in a 90s kind of world. Also, there are movies like Legally Blonde, where Elle Woods, a stereotypical ditzy blonde, tries to make it into Law School, of all places. Lastly, you have the 2004 version of Stepford Wives. Now, I do not find that movie to be good at all, but it's still about these powerful women brainwashed into captivity and later breaking out of that. This sort of thing could work, but it just didn't. It fell flat for me, and it seems that the writers or whoever was running out of ideas at this point. 

Lastly, I would like to discuss Greta Gerwig's lack of history concerning the Barbie lore. In her interviews, Greta mentions that her mom forbade her to play with Barbie because...wait for it...she was a poor representation of women. So, Greta's lack of knowledge about Barbie really hindered the film, in my opinion. She seems to forget that Barbie and Midge are very best friends, and Midge is supposed to be married to Alan. But for some reason, they're not a couple in this movie? Barbie also had friends like Christie, Teresa, and Kira. Not to mention her little sisters such as Skipper, Stacie, Chelsea (formerly known as Kelly), and baby Krissie. Even Ken was friends with Allan, who had a friend named Steven and a little brother named Tommy. For some reason, all these characters were left out of the movie. There is a mention of Skipper, and we have a Skipper-like doll, but I don't think she's supposed to be related to Barbie. I get that there were already a lot of characters in this movie, but then again, why not have Chrissie be president of Barbieland, Kira be the physicist, or Teresa be the Nobel Prize Winner. So many missed opportunities. And she seems to forget that there are women on the board of Mattel in real life, and again, there's another missed opportunity with that as well. Wow, this aspect of the movie is really, really disappointing, and it would've worked if they had a Barbie superfan as the creative consultant. It would've definitely enhanced the movie a bit more.

Whew! This was a long review, and it took longer than I expected. But I felt like this movie had so much wasted potential. I didn't hate it, but I didn't think it was great either. And if you like it, that's fine. However, this movie would've been so much better. 

I would say one positive about Barbie. At least it feels like a real movie—maybe not a perfect movie, but a movie nonetheless. First of all, the movie is COLORFUL, and it was nice to see practical effects again. I would definitely like to see more of it. It's crisp, clean, and pristine, and not at all fake-looking without shitty CGI. Second of all, it's not some long-extended episode connected to some stupid cinematic universe. And, third of all, Barbie had a beginning, middle, and end, wrapped up in a neat little bow. No sequel hook in sight, and it was so REFRESHING. I can see why this movie was so successful because it was an actual goddamn MOVIE. This is what the audience wants. They don't want a sequel, a prequel, a remake, a reboot, a reimagining, or even a whole goddamn franchise, including a cinematic fucking universe. They want movies with a clear hero's journey. That's what makes a movie successful, and whoever's running these studios needs to understand that.

Okay, here's my final word: it's not great, but at least it's watchable.