The Stepford Wives (2004)

 

So here we are. The 2004 remake of The Stepford Wives. I actually saw this in the movie theater as a kid because I was curious about how the men turn their wives into robots. Turns out, it's really fucking dumb but we'll talk about that later. I was surprised to see the star-studded cast in this movie: You have Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Roger Bart, Jon Lovitz, Christopher Walken, Glenn Close, and freakin' Faith Hill who I had no idea she was in this movie. So yeah, you have a good cast, but sadly, they couldn't solve this film's problems, mostly the script, of all things. 

How I would describe this version of The Stepford Wives is that it's a Tim Burton movie, but it's not directed by Tim Burton. The actual director is Frank Oz who was a known collaborator for Jim Henson and he was one of the main voices for The Muppets, most notably Ms. Piggy. Unsurprisingly, this film went through some production hell. Originally, acting siblings John and Joan Cusack were cast as Walter and Bobbie, respectively, but they backed out of the project due to family issues. Then, when Nicole Kidman was on board, she was excited to be working with Frank Oz as she was a fan of Ms. Piggy, but when the film went into production, she, along with the rest of the cast, had some issues with Frank Oz's work ethic. The film was initially conceived as a black, emphasis on "black", comedy, but the test audience didn't like the direction the film was going, so Paramount decided to reshoot the film to give it a more cartoonish, over-the-top tone, which I didn't really care for. Anywho, let's get on with the story:

One of my issues with the film is the characterization of Joanna, played by Nicole Kidman. What I liked about Joanna in the 1975 version is that she comes off as this artsy, laid-back hippy mom type. In this version, however, she is this overly confident, ball-busting, tv executive who screws over men for her own gain. This time it bites her in the ass when a contestant in one of her tv show attempts to kill her after his wife left him for a rendezvous with some adult male stars and a famous male stripper. Yeah, this new characterization doesn't exactly make her sympathetic, which makes it hard for me to root for Joanna, considering that her husband might replace her with a robot. 

After losing her job and being blacklisted by the network, Joanna goes into a complete meltdown and is left in the care of her husband Walter played by Matthew Broderick. The difference in this version of Walter is that he's actually supportive, though there are hints of him being a pushover. Now, I do like Matthew Broderick as an actor, but I felt that he came off as "too nice" for the role. Now, Peter Matherson in the '75 version, played Walter in a way where he was fighting for his dominance, like somebody who wants to place things in order but can't quite do it, so that's when he decides to replace his wife. In the 2004 version, Walter is a henpecked husband, and once he moves his family to Stepford, he finally puts his foot down and stands up to Joanna. For me, this totally misses the point of their relationship. Walter is not the one we should be rooting for; it's Joanna. Again, this all comes down to her portrayal as this self-assertive businesswoman. They soon meet up with the head honchos of Stepford, Clare, and Mike Wellington, but I'll go into details about their characters later. Right off the bat, the house is super high-tech. You even have a refrigerator that reminds you when you run out of food and a terribly-looking CGI robot dog. Of course, Joanna is not too keen on the kitschy, saccharine town of Stepford, but eventually, she meets up with Bobbie and Roger, the only two people she considers normal. 

Bobbie Markowitz, played by Bette Midler, is now a socio-activist turned author. Bobbie's personality is much more acerbic and outspoken this time, which could be good or bad. In the 1975 version, yes, Bobbie was sarcastic at times, but she was still open, friendly, and vibrant. In this version, Bobbie is incredibly one-note, and even though I'm a fan of Bette Midler and she does have some solid jokes here, she really isn't given much to do in this film.

Roger Bannister, played by Roger Bart, fills in as the Charmaine equivalent. He is the typical gay best friend and nothing more, but there is one interesting aspect about his character. Roger is unapologetically gay, and his partner, Jerry, is deeply uncomfortable with that. Jerry is a little on the conservative side, and he feels that Roger doesn't fit the traditional masculine role he wants him to be. These are the many issues that gay men go through to this day: to prove their masculinity to a romantic partner. Hell, recently, there was this viral interview with a gay man who had to hide that he performed drag to appease his male partner. These are the many interesting ideas this film has but fails to execute. 

Kidman, Midler, and Bart do have great chemistry together...if they were in a better movie. Yes, they are fun to watch, but the trio isn't enough to save the really subpar script.

However, the Stepford Wives are portrayed much better in this version. The only minor issue with the '75 version is that the wives didn't come off weird enough to differentiate their personalities. For example, Charmaine and Bobbie are more overly excited than vacant and robotic. But in this version, they present themselves as bubbly bimbos who talk like they're in an advertising commercial, which adds to the campy tone this film is going for. Faith Hill fills in the role as the Carol Van Sant equivalent, Sarah Sunderson. Where the original was more subtle with her malfunctions, the remake has her literally shooting sparks from her neck and twitching like a wind-up toy. The filmmakers make it way too obvious, which kind of kills the mystery of the first half. Later in the movie, when Joanna puts her Nancy Drew cap on, it's discovered that the Stepford Wives were successful girl bosses who owned airline companies, ran judicial systems, and became CEOs of businesses around the globe. But once these empowered women move to Stepford, they are suddenly stripped of their agency and become beautiful hasfraus for their husbands. Seeing the change in Roger and Bobbie, Joanna finally musters up the courage to investigate the Men's Association headquarters. 

Meanwhile, Walter is fully accepted into the Men's Association and is not at all weirded out by their strange robotic housewives who serve them hand and foot. The men are portrayed as they are in the original: pathetic, schlubly, insecure, and, this time around, emasculated by their career-driven wives. That's pretty much the whole point of them turning their wives into robots, which in turn convinces Walter to change Joanna. 

When Joanna confronts the members of the Men's Association, Mike Wellington, played by the charismatic Christopher Walken, reveals himself as the Dale Coba equivalent and shows her how a Stepford is made in a cheesy how-to manual video.

                                         

I would give the scene one compliment, however. At least they pulled off the no-eyes effect this time. Not as creepy as in the first film, but I still give it a pass. Joanna tries to convince Walter that her robot double won't give her the same feelings, emotions as she, but he doesn't budge, tired of Joanna one-upping him. Slowly, Joanna and Walter descend to the experiment room as the members onimusly watch on.

Cut to the memorable grocery store scene from the original, where Joanna is now replaced by her robot double...or so it seems.

                                         

Later that night, Joanna and Walter are invited as special guests at the Wellington formal ball. Joanna makes conversation with Mike while Walter goes to fetch a drink for Clarie. But what the Wellingtons don't know is that Joanna has been pretending all along, and Walter sneaks into the experiment room to... deactivate the micro-chips that've been brainwashing the wives this whole time. Yes, I've said it. MICROCHIPS.

Do microchips turn a woman into an ATM machine? Do microchips create sparks from a woman's neck, malfunction like a robot, or make her breasts grow larger? What about the scene when Roger sees his robot double? Is there any explanation for that? Hell, there were even some deleted scenes where Bobbie malfunctions herself, her hands turning into various kitchen objects. But the scene that was attached had her hand on a burning stove. So, do the microchips prevent the Stepford Wives from feeling pain? This film has bigger plot holes than The Stepford Children. 

So the Stepford Wives are restored to their normal selves while Clare has a complete meltdown. Wait, I thought Stepford Wives aren't supposed to have emotions? hmm. Anyhow, Mike is not pleased with Walter's deception and decides to teach him a lesson. Just in the nick of time, Joanna grabs a large candlestick before Mike does the deed. She swiftly swings the candlestick over Mike's head and...

It turns out that Mike is a Stepford husband.

The real culprit is Clare Wellington, played by the brilliant Glenn Close. She is a fully realized, flesh-and-bone human woman who had a successful career as a renowned brain surgeon and genetic engineer. But her busy work schedule pushed her husband Mike into an affair with a young research assistant. 

After brutally murdering Mike and his wanton assistant, Clare gets an idea to produce a utopia where men can be "men" and women can be "women." So, she creates a robot duplicate of her husband and chooses the state of Connecticut to work on her experiments, therefore, adopting the town of Stepford. Now, there were hints early on that Clare might be human, so the film's not that clever. And although this is a solid twist, the execution sucks. However, Glenn Close really sells it in this scene, and she's one of the few shining beacons in this movie. 

With one final kiss to Mike's lips, Clare electricutes herself. As she slowly dies, Clare embraces the head of her once-deceased husband.

A few months later, Joanna, Bobbie, and Roger appear on the Larry King show to promote their projects. Joanna has won a whopping six Emmys for producing a documentary on Stepford, Roger won his State Senate seat as an independent, and Bobbie has written a poetry book. While Joanna boasts about her many accomplishments, she looks over to her husband Walter, who's watching backstage, and she personally thanks him, indicating that the marriage is stronger than ever. As for the men of Stepford, they are put on house arrest and are forced to do domestic chores. THE END.

Wow, what a freakin' mess! Although I appreciated the solid cast, the script was inconceivable. The whole twist with the microchips really ruined it for me. The filmmakers intended to make it more in line with the original, where the wives are killed and replaced by robots, which explains the Tim Burton-like tone but the test audiences felt that the light-hearted campiness of the film didn't clash well with the darker elements. I don't mind Stepford Wives being adapted into a comedy, but had it been done today, I think it would've had a much better reception. However, it would have this off-kilter, A24 feel, a little less cartoony and wacky and more subtle and surreal. 

Despite my rush of nostalgia, it's overall a forgettable movie and didn't quite stick the landing like it should. 

My last word: For curiosity's sake, it's good for one watch.