Halloween Kills (2021)

 

I just want to get this out of the way because this movie was so incredibly pointless. When looking back at Halloween 2018, I thought it was...okay. It wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. Though I would say that it was a proper continuation of the original with Jamie Lee Curtis' amazing performance as one of the standouts. Come to my surprise the filmmakers were going to do a trilogy, which was kind of baffling because I thought Halloween 2018 was going to be the end-all-be-all of the franchise. Now that I've seen the second entry of this revamped franchise, I was very, very underwhelmed. I felt like I wasted an hour and forty minutes watching this dreck. It's just Michael Myers killing random people. Sure, that's what the fans want but it adds nothing to the story. This whole movie was nothing. I wish there was more to say but...what is there to say. It's a piece of shit movie.

Do you want to know the plot? What plot? I mean sure there's a story here somewhere, however, it feels like a filler episode from a television show than an actual movie. All I have is that the townspeople of Haddonfield, including some recurring characters, plan to take out Micheal Myers, the man who wreaked havoc those forty years ago. There. That's all I have. 

The characters in this don't really have much of a focus. Most of them are props for Michael to kill off. I honestly can't tell you who's story it is because it's certainly not Laurie's or Officer Hawkins'. They literally fade into the background for the rest of the movie. 

The only character that has some semblance of being a protagonist is Tommy Doyle. He's the one that takes on the leader role and follows most of the movie's narrative or whatever narrative it's attempting to have. But there is just something about Tommy that feels a little...off. Case in point, let's take his introduction as an example. Okay, just imagine, sitting at a bar with your friends, minding your own business, and then some random weirdo steps on stage and talks about a killing spree that happened forty years ago then introducing the people who had brief, I put emphasis on brief, encounters with the killer. This is exactly what Tommy Doyle does. It feels so out of place and unnecessary. And if you take Halloween 2018 as a direct sequel to the 1978 original, you start to wonder how Tommy could be so traumatized from what happened forty years ago that he would rally up a lynch mob to take Michael down. Sure, any kid his age would be affected by the image of Micheal Myers but when you look at it in retrospect, his arc doesn't really make sense. What is Tommy's purpose in all this? Why is he making weird announcements and rallying up lynch mobs? He was just a normal kid who had a close encounter with Michael Myers. I start to wonder how he functions in the story at all. Why is he still in the hometown that gave him memories of a killing spree some ions ago? A person with some common sense would leave the town as soon as possible. But whatever, this movie has no logic at all, so why should I give it any thought. By the way, Anthony Michael Hall was kind of forgettable and didn't leave an impression on me. 

Now let's get to other unnecessary recurring characters:

The movie's attempt to expand on Lonnie Elam's character failed miserably. Just to let you know, he's the kid that bullied Tommy in the first movie and now, due to their shared experiences, they're really good friends. But he isn't given much to do. For some reason, he's shown in the 1978 flashbacks where it's revealed that not only did he run into Michael once but twice...And that's it. He just becomes irrelevant from then on. He's so irrelevant, in fact, that he gets killed OFF SCREEN. Though how he gets killed is just as stupid. When he goes inside the Myers house, he tells Cameron and Allyson to stay in the car. To reiterate, we witnessed Michael killing a group of firefighters and three people at the SAME TIME. What makes you think Lonnie is going to make it out alive? And as anyone predicted, Lonnie's dead body is hoisted in the ceiling. How quaint.

Then we have Lindsey Wallace played by Paris Hilton's aunt Kyle Richards. Her part is basically a cameo and nothing else. She is given nothing to do and although she faces off with Michael, she fails miserably. The last that we see of her is being wheeled away at the hospital, never to be seen again. Unfortunately, Mrs. Richards was very one-note but it's not her fault once you realize how shitty her dialogue is. Either or, Lindsey's inclusion was poorly handled.

Marion Chamber is more irrelevant than Lindsey and Lonnie combined. You would think that she would be a substitute for Dr. Loomis but there's no such luck. Marion Chambers is brought back again just to be killed off...again. Geez, this woman never gets a break. But what did you think was going to happen. You have this elderly woman against a two-ton man that could overpower her. And overpower her he does. Okay, sure, she has a gun but she misses every shot and this is where I'm gonna get a little off-topic here. one of my biggest pet peeves of the movie(though there is plenty of them, trust me) is that whenever somebody shoots at Michael Myers, they MISS. Sure, it makes sense for a young Officer Hawkins in the flashbacks because he's a rookie, and sure nurse Marion doesn't know anything about fire guns, however, there is no reason for them to keep missing shots. Especially if he walks slowly enough for them to aim at the head or leg. It's ludicrous! But let me tell you what's really ludicrous. This black couple named Marcus and Vanessa joins Marion...and gets killed along with her. What's supposed to be an intense and scary scene was pure comedy. I never laughed so hard. When Marcus tries to lunge at him with a knife, Michael pushes him back, causing Marcus to stab himself in the eye. And then, when Vanessa shoots at him (and of course, she misses), Michael pushes the car door, causing her to shoot herself in the head. I'm telling you, it has to be seen to be believed. Ha-larious!

Sheriff Brackett has an even lesser role than either of these characters. It's a shame because his character arc has a lot of promise. His inclusion in the movie makes sense because he actually has a purpose of going after Michael Myers. As you may know, Michael did kill his only daughter, Annie, in the original, So now that Michael is on the loose again, he's determined to stop him...Well, the movie doesn't take the time to put much focus on him and he's sort of put on the back burner, making you wonder why he was in this movie at all. 

I really want to get these people out of the way. And although they're just typical horror movie victims that are insignificant to the plot, I at least want to point out the sheer stupidity of these characters:

We have this one scene where this elderly couple is playing around with a drone. I...don't get it. But then Michael crashes in and attacks the husband and as the woman runs to unlock the door...she just stands there and screams. She's right at the door, she has every opportunity to escape. It's baffling to me that the people in this movie can be this inept. But they're not as stupid as our next couple.

We have a gay couple named Big John and Little John (we don't really know their names) who coincidently live in the Myers home. You would think that this might be an important plot device where one of the characters warns them that Michael Myers might terrorize their home but it doesn't lead anywhere. We spend a little more time with them when these obnoxious kids throw a prank on them. And let me just add by saying that the child actors in this film are terrible and it's not even their fault. They have to work with a shitty script and shitty directing. Anywho, as anyone can predict, Michael crashes their party. Big John decides to grab an incy wincy teeny weeny little knife to defend himself with. Again, judging how big and powerful Michael is, there is no way in hell that he could even feel that knife stabbing him. Let's not forget that Michael Myers has fought off bullets for christ's sake. It's unbelievable how incompetent these people are. Then when Little John discovers his husband's dead body and Michael appears at the door, he just stands there and says dramatically, "Michael, you've come home," while he's waiting to be killed. There are no words to describe how nonsensical this is. After watching these two scenes, I was slowly losing my patience.

Now let's get to our main Characters if you would call them that:

Poor, poor Jamie Lee Curtis is wasted in this movie, even more, wasted in the original Halloween 2. She is once again relegated to stay in a hospital bed the entire time. Sure, she has more lines to work with this time around but it's usually these long speeches about how Michael is evil and Michael must be stopped. And in between that, she would have these heart-to-heart talks with Sheriff Hawkins, apparently revealing about their previous romantic relationship and how he may or may not be Karen's actual father. Sure, I'll take it, I don't care. But there is a moment in the film where Laurie says, "fuck it!"  gets up from the hospital bed, and jabs an adrenaline needle in her leg. Just when you think there's going to be a Laurie vs. Michael Round 2, the fresh stitches in Laurie's stomach, bring her down a notch and she is back to where she started...in the hospital bed. Bummer.

Laurie's not the only character trapped in the hospital. We have Sheriff Hawkins, who somehow survived his knife attack from Dr. Sartain. When he's discovered by Lonnie's son Cameron, he makes this declaration that he'll do everything in vain to kill Michael Myers, thinking that he'll take most of the action this time around...

But the only action he takes is in the flashbacks. Speaking of which, it's disappointing to say that the flashbacks are irrelevant to the movie and there is nothing to work with here. Sure, the effects behind it are well done. The look and feel definitely make it seems like it's 1978 Halloween. But the stupid writing and the stupid acting ruins that. Seriously, what were they trying to do here? Okay, I appreciate the attempt, But I'm telling you, it's inconsequential to the film. If they made this the opening of Halloween 2018, this idea would've been way much better than it is, but it never came to be. Young Hawkins has nothing to work with here and through the duration of the present day, he is still useless as he was in the last film. 

Now we have Laurie's stupid granddaughter Allyson and her equally stupid ex-boyfriend Cameron. These two characters do nothing of value other than to get themselves put in danger.

Cameron appears in the first few moments of the film when he finds Sheriff Hawkins, still alive but critically injured, and...that's all we have of him. He's pretty much a tag-along kid for the rest of the movie. I ceased to wonder why he was kept alive this long when he's not even a serviceable main character. Hell, I could barely call him a supporting character, he's just so forgettable. For some reason, he wants to join Tommy's lynch mob to stop Michael Myers, which just feels forced and out of nowhere. Seriously, who is he trying to kid? And there is no pick between who wins or loses because Cameron is the loser either way. Right off the bat, he screams and tries to run away but then BOOM! Michael takes him down and takes him down quite brutally. So was Cameron ever important to the plot? Fuck, no.

And then we have Allyson who I find incredibly tepid and useless. She decides to join in on Tommy's lynch mob because Michael killed her father. Sure, sure, you might understand her grief but I reiterate that Michael Myers is this big hulking giant and she's the petite teenage girl. How can she stand a chance? And of course, she doesn't. Michael even comes close to killing her. Okay, so Michael gains the upper hand and beats her to a pulp, throwing her down the stairs. With an injured leg, Allyson crawls up and crawls up at the front door, leans back, and just...screams. Not once does she struggle out the door, she just sits there and SCREAMS. Christ, what an idiot! And when Michael aims his knife down on Allyson, she literally barks at him to do it and I'm like, "Yes, please do it!" because I was just so done at this point. How should I care if Allyson lives or dies when she does nothing to contribute to the story? She is just an extension of Laurie and Karen. That's it.

Speaking of Karen, she's the only one who acts like a normal human being and Judy Greer actually gave a shit, doing the best of what little she's given. But Karen's not let off the hook too easily, she has her stupid moments, too. Just wait till I spoil the ending because there's not much to spoil, trust me. 

Lastly, we have Michael Myers...and there's not much to say about him either. He's a never-ending killing machine, a two-ton brute who brutalizes and massacres anyone in his way. Sure, this is what some of the fans wanted but it turns Michael into a generic slasher villain. It irks me to make comparisons but Michael comes off like a Jason Vorhees ripoff. It's the same problem I had with the later sequels and the Rob Zombie version. I just can't buy Michael as this gigantic beast-man, overpowering people and ripping them apart like ragdolls. It takes away from what made him unique in the original movie. What these filmmakers keep forgetting is that Michael moves like a ninja, like a military soldier staking out for his next kill. He's slow, methodical, and robotic. He's nothing more than an average-sized human man devoid of any empathy or emotion. That's what makes Michael Myers scary and the people behind these films just don't get that. Say what you will about the original Halloween 2 and Halloween: H20, but at least they got the mystique of Michael Myers right. Quite frankly, I prefer those films to the rest of them. But sadly, I have nothing to add here. The filmmakers have nothing new to offer to the character of Michael Myers. 

You all know how I feel about the writing. It's trash, plain and simple. Along with some truly awful dialogue with almost every character sounding like a mouthpiece for Dr. Loomis to constantly remind us about what happened forty years ago. If they're not showing it, then somebody's talking about it. It's like  the filmmakers are constantly hitting us over and over with a sledgehammer, along with the cheesy catchphrase, "Evil Dies Tonight!" Not to mention the obnoxious humor bits that seem out of place in what seems to be this ultra-serious Halloween film. I was laughing more at the unintentional than the intentional. 

Don't get me started on the directing. It's equally as awful as the writing. The zoom-in shots in the 2018 film were used well in some parts but it's getting kind of obnoxious here. Not to mention, every recurring character gets an archive footage flashback every time they appear onscreen. It's like okay we get it, we know who these characters are. It's incredibly lazy and I think the filmmakers were trying to tug at the audience's nostalgia strings for checkpoints. Again what are the odds? And, case in point, the gory deaths scenes in this movie are just as meaningless. If you like blood and gore, then it's for you. But mainly, what makes a horror movie work is the build-up, the anticipation, the lore before the impact. Not so much the impact itself but I feel, in my opinion, it loses its touch when there's too much impact. And there is a lot of it here. I was not scared once in this movie, but was I supposed to? Are the filmmakers just making this movie to make a fun, dumb, slasher with some over-the-top gory kills? Who knows because I for one was not entertained in the slightest. And to be completely, completely honest, I was bored out of my mind the entire time. 

Okay now, let's get these spoilers out of the way, so I can stop talking about this piece of shit film.

So just as Michael is right close to stabbing Allyson with his knife, here comes Karen to save the day. When she fights him off, she grabs his mask and lures him out to the middle of the street where Tommy and his lynch mob start to pummel Michael. They kick him, beat him, stab him, and one person even pulls out a gun to shoot him but for some reason never think to aim in the head. When Michael reaches for his knife, Karen takes it from him and gives one final stab on his back. So you sit there and think that all is well right? WRONG. Michael takes down the entire mob, which includes Sheriff Bracket by slitting his throat and Tommy Doyle by bashing his head in. How stupid and redundant can this be? But it's not as stupid as in the final moments of the film. For some reason, Karen is compelled to go back inside the Myer's house, (you see what I mean here?) not knowing that Michael is standing behind her. And just like that, he stabs Karen to death...and that's how the movie ends. 

I. Felt. Nothing. Hell, this whole movie was nothing.  The next movie is called Halloween Ends and I hope it ends permanently. I am just so over this crap franchise. And I know you guys are going to have my head for saying that, but it's true. There are more bad sequels than good sequels and it doesn't get any better after that. I might have to agree with John Carpenter for making this an anthology series instead because what more can you do with the Michael Myers character other than just turning him into a generic slasher villain? There's literally nothing else to work with here. Although I'm not a huge fan of Season of the Witch, I still appreciate its efforts. For all I know, it would've been a solid second entry in terms of keeping the essence of its Halloween premise just like the first one did. Speaking of the first one, that is the truly good movie of the series, a beacon of hope amongst a pile of crap, though with a few exceptions. The biggest letdown, in my opinion, is that it has no REALISM. That's what made the original so palpable because of the simplicity and normalcy of its surroundings. It wasn't this big grand horror with insanely gory kills. It was a skin-crawling, spine-tingling slow burner. You cannot convince me that this movie, in particular, shares the same universe as the 1978 film. It's nearly impossible. Nobody acts like a normal human being, the blood and gore is so excessive that it becomes ludicrous, and the screenplay is far from subtle. Yeah, I think I've gone on a rant here.  But my final say is that this franchise is one and done. There should be no more retcons, no more sequels, and no more reboots. I think it's time for the filmmakers to put this franchise out of its misery.