Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Housewives At Their Worst

Here I present to you the talentless stars of reality T.V. Mostly coming from the Real Housewives franchise. God, do these women really think they can catch i tune? I surely do not. So please let us begin the horror show.....

Gretchen Rossi-Revelation
So botox beauty queen aka Gretchen Rossi decided to broadcoast her ludicrious song to date, "Revelation". As you can see she clearly trying to emote her face since her face is alway, always tight while lip-synching trying to act like a twenty-five year old. Well, news flash sweetheart, you're not twenty-five anymore and this song is proof you have lost your way. The plastic surgery may have alter your face and body but it sure as hell didn't alter your singing voice:

Danielle Staub- Real Close
Oh my god, what a trainwreck! It's one thing to not know how to handle a business, but singing talents? This woman is way beyond her limits here. Clearly the soundtrack is singing for her. Can I say EPIC FAIL. And don't even get me started on her dancing. She barely even does. She just stands there sashying while the guido-like dancers fawn over her. Then there's the other singer who, of course, upstages her and doing all the real dancing. Maybe she should just to leave it to her, cause seriously, Danielle Staub dosen't have a chance in the music business:

Kim Zolciak-Google Me
Pure Awful. How can Andy Cohen allow this? Hell I thought "Tardy for the Party" was a real hoot but this...There is no way to describe it's insipidness. It's truly a poor way to market yourself. Who's gonna goggle you Kim Zolciak? To see how many surgeries you had? To see how much those cheap wigs cost? Unfortuntely, nobody's gonna google you for your musical talents, that's for sure:

Countess Luann-Money Can't Buy Class
It can't buy you talent. Or good production values. How can someone with so much money have a cheap-looking video? For one thing, she's not putting any effort in her voice. Even the bad autotone can't save her. And who is she trying to mimick? Madonna of all people? There's one thing money can buy you, a reality TV show. So just do us a favor and stick to that:

Special Mention:
Hedi Montag-Body Language
Technically, Hedi Montag is not "Real Housewife." Therefore, she is a housewife, none-the-less and WAS on reality TV show. And you know, the plastic surgery thing of course. So there. Being the(ex?) wife of Spencer Pratt can pretty uneventful. So why not have a music career? Well, no. Not a good idea. And this performance proves to be Hedi's worst. I was afraid all that dancing would cause her breast implants to fall out. By the way, it seems she's having a really hard time even catching up with their choreography. I guess being a Britney Spears-wannabe isn't her for'te. Speaking of which Britney's VMA performance is much better by comparison. And that's saying something:

So there you have it, The talentless trainwrecks on reality television. And just to let you know, just because you're on TV, dosen't mean you gain any musical charms...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Top 3 Most Worst Cover Songs

I now present to you the absolute worst and hiliarous atempts at copying songs that really didnt' need to be copied. Please be my guest to embrace these stinkers...

Sondra Prill-Nasty
Oh my god, there is nothing cheesier than the 80's but this one takes the cake. So the singer Sondra Prill, as she is "elegantly" named, decides to butcher Janet Jackson's hit song Nasty. Then you wonder, is she taking herself too seriously or she making fun of herself, then again you wonder, is she off her medication? But my last guess would be she's probably drunk at some male strip club doing a bad karaoke rendention of this song. Though I have to give this video some points for bringing in some (besides the ridiculous 80's hairdos) awesome man candy:

Colton Ford-Lithium
The opening track sounds like he's in pain. Of course, we all were when we heard this horrorendus version of Nirvana's Lithium. How come someone take a classic 90's rock song and turn it into dance-pop trash is beyond me. Though Colton Ford isn't the only gay porn star turn muscian. There's Jeff Stryker and Johnny Hazzard to name a few. However, Colton Ford is possibly one of the worst gay porn star turned singers. I mean the song sounds like broken record for christ sakes. Don't get me wrong though, the man is really sexy. But sadly, that's what he's good at. Being sexy. Singing however....isn't one of his strongest attributes:

Kelly Osburne-Papa Dont' Preach
It pains me to put her on this list because Kelly has now matured into a highly fashioned, coffied young woman. But her version of Papa Don't Preach is one of the worst Madonna Cover songs. The song just make her seem like some Avril Lavinge/Pink Wannabe. Though you would know this wasn't all her idea. Some idiot producer thought, "Hey! Let's get a Madonna song and make it really edgy and rock and roll!" The result: A really edgy and rock and roll mess:

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Movie Review: Final Destination 5

Finally after long-awaited anticipation, I come across this, although, it's above average compared to today's horror movies. But it's certianly the most entertaining with it's clever twist and turns, making this probably the best of the series, espeically after the abomonation that was part 4, which I refuse to review. It's starts off as your usual final destenation movie but as the plot thickens, the story and situations get more interesting.
The story: You kind of know the story by now. It gets a little repetive, however, this one is a little different than the others, though i don't want to tell you by spoiling, so here's a short syponsis.
Sam Lawton, a young chef, is on his way to a company retreat with his girlfriend and friends, when he has a sudden premonition that the bridge is going to collaspe. As you see in most of the movies, Sam warns his friends to get off the bus. They don't, of course, believe him until the events of vision comes true, leaving most of the survivors vunerable to the grim reaper's unexpected hits.
The acting was kind of good. The characters wasn't your typical young pretty rich kids, they're just people with regular day jobs, trying to get by, although some characters can be a bit unsavory(Issac to say for sure), they were pretty likeable at best.
Now let's get down to it with the boys. *sigh* Nicholas D'Agosto has the most enchanting brown eyes, you can sink in them. And those lips are so kissable. Yowza! Arlen Escapeta is also a sexy hunk with alluring brown eyes. Miles Fischer, although a bit unhinged, is quite an adorable hunk, sort of like a young Tom Cruise. Even though I don't know anything about her character, Emma Bell was quite promising. All I can say about Jacquelene Malnnes Wood, She's really good at playing a bitch. A funny, witty, sexy bitch at best. There's really nothing to say about Ellen Wroe. I mean her character was just....there, that's all.
The directing was very cool but had the dreaded 3-D effects. What is with that these days?
Hands down, the most suspenseful and by far the most brutal deaths of the scenes has got to be the gymnasium scene. You just keep wondering what's going to happen? What will happen here? What will happen there? And then...BOOM! Something happens unpredictably. It's the classic horror movie set-up. Which brings us the ending. Spolier Alert! Sam and Molly were planning this romantic trip to Paris where Sam is receiving his internship.....When suddenly they find out that there on flight 180, which brings us back to the events of the first film, making this an unoffical prequel.....Well, you know what happens next. Poor Sam.
It was really good and enjoyable. And it is certainly making up to the inferior preceeder with a better plot, better acting and much (less annoying) likeable characters.
My last word: A very haunting thrill ride with twist and turns.