Hi, my name is Jonathan Denard McNeair and I grew up in Lexington, North Carolina, also known as Pig City...Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha...The town is mostly known for its barbeque where they often throw barbeque festivals every October. In my chosen career, I am a self-published author of fiction.
Long time, no see. So in the wake of the sequel coming out on July 20, Here is the review of Unfriended:
Boy, this was a real stinker. I'm not usually a fan of found-footage movies, but I do tend to enjoy the more atmospheric ones such as The Blair Witch Project. I'm not a huge, huge fan of that movie but I do appreciate the effort by the filmmakers. As for this movie, most of it takes place in skype form. It's a pretty neat concept if it's done with great acting and interesting characters. But unfortunately, it doesn't have that.
Throughout eighty minutes of this movie, we have to deal with the most unpleasant protagonists ever put on film. I know this movie is trying to project the dangers of cyberbullying yet it's done in the most over-the-top way. The kids never get to act like human beings. So what, are teenagers just apathetic? devoid of any emotion?
Nobody is sympathetic, the chain of events unfold like a shitty teen drama, the deaths are silly, the acting is atrocious. It just astounds me how much praise this movie has gotten.
The Story: A group of narcissistic, sociopathic teens are being haunted by a ghost while on a live Skype chat. That ghost reveals herself to be a girl they tormented into suicide a year ago, turning the tables and taking the lives of each perpetrator one by one.
The cast was not so great. Look, I don't mind having unlikeable characters in horror films unless you give them just one ounce of humanity for the audience to empathize with them. But I'm honestly telling you guys, these characters are borderline sociopaths. Not only that but they are blandly written. They are just your everyday typical teenage stock horror characters: you have the main girl and her boyfriend, the aggressive jock, the dumb blond, the mean girl and the goofball. That's it. Not only they are horrible but they are just plain uninteresting.
First, you have Val (pictured in them in the middle), who is the bitchy one in the group. All she pretty much does throughout the whole skype conversation is scowl at the camera and act petty. She and Laura had the most beef since they were very competitive against each other. So of course, she was the one who told Laura to kill herself, not that that was the final blow or anything but it did cause a boomerang effect on her end.
Then you have Kenny (pictured left), the jokester of the group, who is also known to be a drug dealer. Geez, what else is new. He shows absolutely no remorse over Laura Barnes' suicide and even after her death, he still clowns her. See what I mean, the sociopath level is getting at a high here.
Adam is the typical hothead jock of the group, who has a habit of date-raping girls on the side. How quaint.
We soon find out that Adam had a little rendezvous with his friend's girlfriend and not at all apologetic. He has no indoor voice and is constantly waving his gun around to prove his fragile male ego.
Tess is the superficial vapid ditz, who seems to be obsessed with flat ironing her hair. Not only is she a notorious gossip who spread rumors about her friend's eating disorder, she also was the one who defaced Laura Barnes' grave, which is a bit extreme, even for a teen bully. She is quite the kleptomaniac, as it is revealed that she stole $800 from Adam, who she supposedly has a crush on. Okay, first of all, who the hell would have $800 dollars laying around and secondly, how the hell would she have excess to that kind of money? Is she some sort of super hacker or something?
And then we have Mitch, the main character's boyfriend. Since his dear o'l buddy Adam seems to have a love of guns, Mitch has something of a knife fetish. Soon, Laura's ghost exposes him for making out with her at a party while supposedly in a relationship with Claire, which is why he decided to bully Laura along everybody else to get off the hook. Not only that, but he frames his best friend by planting drugs in his car. Wow, these kids are all and out criminals, it's a miracle they're not in a jail cell.
Now it's finally time to save the worst for last. Claire, our 'lovely' protagonist. Oh my god, where to begin? Oh and this is also a spoiler warning, so get prepared:
She is the real culprit in the humiliation of Laura Barnes, thus putting the blame on her so-called friends. On top of that, she cheated on her boyfriend (whom she was saving her virginity to) with his best friend Adam. Her only explanation for this is...it was an accident. How fucking dumb is this girl? what, did she 'accidentally' fell on his penis? lol. It also seems that she doesn't know how to program a computer when it's obvious that she literally spends all her time on social media, even though she has no clue how an anti-virus software works. Our final girl, ladies and gentlemen.
But the high level of stupidity happens when a friend is in trouble. Instead of calling the police like a normal person, she decides to go on chat roulette and make a complete fool of herself. God, how I wanted to smack this girl in the face for being so idiotic. And even after all her friends die, she still proceeds to lie and not fess up. What else does this girl have to lose? Can she be less of a terrible person if her life depends on it?
Okay, let's focus on the directing and suspense, which is pretty lackluster. Although I liked at least one scene in the movie involving this weird esoteric website the characters stumbling across, most of it is just click and point scenes of a teenage girl surfing the web, chatting with her friends, and browsing on social media. A lot of facebook and youtube product placement in this movie. I just found most of the directing boring to be honest.
I find the death scenes to be pretty laughable and poorly executed. Yeah, they're incredibly gory but it's horribly staged at the point of being borderline fake. And just like I said, most of the suspense seems to be focused on Claire's lack of technical skills when it comes to computer engineering. Will Claire be able to get rid of the virus on time? Oh no!
There's just nothing else I can say about this movie. It's pretty much a time waster and there's nothing inventive about it all. It's a dumb teen horror that seems to use social media as a way to get bucks at the box office, nothing more, nothing less.
My Last Word: Don't waste your time on this piece of crap. I highly doubt the sequel would be anything noteworthy either.
Wow, I can't believe it's almost been a year. Where to start? From months on in, I've been working extra hard on my first novel. And trust me, the process is grueling. Time seems to stray away when you're working on a project. I mean, gosh, it's been like twelve years now that my book is finally accomplished. During July or so, I was planning to do a movie review of Unfriended but there was a lot of growing pains in the way. Getting my life together, getting my career together, getting my sanity together, and planning the seeds of what to come.
So here my future plans in the hereafter:
Hellraiser series review
The Love Witch review
Misery film essay
Witches of Eastwick review
Riverdale review
Book reviews
I know it's a little bit too late in the game for this but I had to get this out somehow. So there is a new Ghostbusters movie coming out sometime in July and everybody's response is...not so good. In my opinion, rightfully so.
The original Ghostbusters and it's sequel was what I grew up with, and to repeat the same beats again is just uncalled for.
Although I'm a fan of Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, I just don't see them saving this movie. They are good actresses, it's only the material that wans their performances down.
When I saw the trailer, I was like, "Been there, done that." It's the same movie but with a female cast.
Director Paul Feig was the one who pitched this movie, and considering Sony, who's known for cashing in reboots, ok'd the idea...That's when the backlash began.
Everyone was pissed off about this, even so far than to have over 500,000 dislikes on the trailer from Youtube. There were even Twitter meltdowns from both director and the actors. Not to mention behind the scenes drama on the set with some of the actors disagreeing with Paul Feig over the poor script and having disdain over how the film is coming out. Sony even bribed half of the cast members in the original to cameo in this movie. Even going so far to sue Bill Murray if he refused. Yeah, it's that fucked up.
All this leads up to me, having the sinking feeling that this movie is going to bomb. HARD.
By the way, if you guys are curious to the movie, just watch the trailer and read the script or Paul Feig's pitch to Sony, There's your whole movie right there. It's all downhill from there. Predictable, by the numbers plot.
Ok, back to the trailer. The jokes were lame, the characters were the same, and the effects were 'meh.' It didn't get me excited (which I'm not anyway) but hell that goes for any trailer. It's like I watched the whole movie, which would spare me my time, no less.
And then there's the introduction of major hottie Chris Hemsworth. Although he's nice to look at, I feel like he's going to be wasted in this beefcake role. He supposed to be a composite of Jainie Melnlitz and the Sigourney Weaver character, which is so tired in my opinion.
As for the rest of the cast, I don't know. Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon are just not funny to me. Their jokes felt forced and how they were portrayed was clearly taken out of their really mediocre Saturday Night Live sketches and I don't even watch the recent Saturday Night Live anymore.
Just so you know, this movie is going to fail. There's nothing to fall back on. Nothing original or fresh in our minds. It's the same tired old bullshit that I see in comedies these days. I mean there was a Ghostbusters 3 in the making, everybody was on board with it, along with a expanded universe and new characters but it fell through and Sony said, "Fuck it, we'll just remake it.
I'm all for Girl Power but this isn't the way to go. If there was a Ghostbusters 3, you can have the original cast along with Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy. You can have Kristen Wiig played this kooky, quirky psychic who sees ghosts and have Melissa McCarthy as an expert on the paranormal, much like her character in this film. But no, it's far too late and far too wasted to come up with a cool concept like that. And it goes to show that Hollywood is clearly running out of ideas. What a sad state we all must live in.
So those are my thoughts. There is an agree to disagree, however, I do not stand by or support this movie.
I know it's a little late in the game to do a Valentine's Day special but as a special offer to you all, I will display my biggest Valentine's Day crush. And it is the boy wizard himself....
Matthew Lewis. Gotcha! You thought it was Daniel Radcliffe But Matthew is probably one of the most Harry Potter Stars so far. I mean Yowza! He went from cute little nerd to full fledge hunk overnight! And without further ado, I will like to display his manly assets...
Now that is what I call a Hot Nerd
Take a look at those biceps!
I swear it's like seducing me with his eyes
Okay get ready girls and guys, it's time for some shirtless pics! you may need to take a cold shower because it's about to be steamy hot.
Whew! Was that hot or what?! Who would've thought that Neville Longbottom turn into such a hottie! good lord. Okay, I think I need to breathe. So there you have it my Valentine's Day Crush, who is now one of my favorite hunks. I hope you guys enjoyed.
As you all know, I'll be taking a break for a while to focus on writing but don't worry. I still do some reviews here and there and sometime this month, I'll get to reviewing Unfriended and It Follows. There will be some occasional Hunk Of The Day Post once my mind comes to it but other than that, I'll do my reviewing arcs until April. So Take care and I'll be back soon.
We have yet another remake of Carrie, this time starring Chole Moretz and Julianne Moore. At first, I was in high spirits because both Moore and Moretz are really good actors and putting them together in a movie would be a solid match. I also read that the filmmakers were going to make it more faithful to the novel just like the TV movie but with more better special effects and better acting. Not to mention Kimberly Pierce, best known for Boys Don't Cry, one of her greatest achievement, who seem to be the perfect fit for Director. From my understanding, I thought the movie would have the same psychological tone from the Stephen King novel and the 1976 film. Boy, I was wrong.
It wasn't that I was pissed off or irritated by it. The movie just left me empty. Unsatisfied. There was nothing new or original brought to the table, when it had all the opportunity to do that. This had a lot of potential and great actors to play the main roles but it failed to keep my interest.
Now this is what I'm going to call an EPIC review, not only I'm I going to do comparisons to the 1976 original but also the novel and a little bit of the TV remake as well. So let's get ready folks...
The Story: You guys should know the story already: Teen misfit gets bullied by her classmates, including her mom all the while discovering a special power. She soon uses this special power to her advantage once one of her classmates take a prank too far on prom night unleashing her fury on those who wronged her....
The only actors that did really good performances was, of course, Chole Moretz and Julianne Moore but even they didn't live up to how memorable the performances were in the original.
Chole Moretz as Carrie was...okay. She is a decent actress but the script kind of hinders her acting. It's not a bad performance however it's just not as good as Sissy Spacek's. I would give the filmmakers props for casting an age-appropriate actress to make the character actually feel vulnerable around the environment she's in. Some would complain that Chloe Moretz is too pretty for the role but so was Sissy Spacek. There could've been ways for the filmmakers to make Chloe unflattering. But all they do is give her messy hair and drab clothing. I can clearly see a makeup foundation as well. A little blush here and little blush there.
But the biggest issue I had with Chloe's version of Carrie is her characterization. I know that in the book she is pretty aware of her powers and it's used to good effect. But in this I felt like I was watching a superhero origin story. You see there was a slow buildup to her powers in both the novel and the 1976 original. The filmmakers made the mistake by yet again making Carrie too powerful. Not that it matters but the realism to it is less engaging. The original had a low budget, though, it worked for it.
However, with these effects here, it's too much handle. The scary part of the novel and 1976 film was that Carrie was an emotional timebomb, which triggers her powers and once her emotions get the better of her, it causes chaos. 2013 Carrie seems to use her powers at her own will and is pretty in control of her powers. Again, It's not a bad thing but it doesn't make the story effective.
Once we get to the prom night scene, it was kind of what I expected. But what I'm really trying to focus on is Carrie's reaction. Yes, it shows that in the book she is quite pissed off and kills everybody in murderous glee as she does in this version but she just kills them intentionally without batting an eye. What I liked in the 1976 version is that Carrie is hurt, humiliated, and therefore shocked and angry, all these emotions get this best of her which resulted in the prom scene massacre. In that version is where it worked for me because seeing Carrie with that shell-shocked look with all the mayhem around her is one of the most haunting iconic horror images seen on film. Sadly, this version and the interpretation of that character doesn't capture the same magic.
We have Julianne Moore in yet another remake, this time playing Margret White, Carrie's fanatical, psychotic religious mother. I thought Julianne Moore did an okay job but some part of me kept thinking both the script and how she portrayed Margret reserved somehow. In the book, she is a mentally unhinged heavyset woman who would speak in tongues and self-harm herself. She does indeed self-harm herself but it's done in a much more subtle manner. In the 1976 film, Piper Laurie brings in one of the most chilling performances. It's over-the-top but in good way. Julianne Moore's performance in this movie is nowhere near memorable. Moore does indeed try but she's not scary enough. Not intimidating enough. I think the filmmakers were trying to make her more sympathetic, which completely misses the point.
In the end, though, Julianne Moore's performance was just safe. That's all I could say is safe. And when you play such a character, that's not how the way you go.
Gabriella Wilde as Sue Snell was bland. Just so incredibly bland. At least Amy Irving brought personality to the role and made the character likable. Wilde, however, is nothing more than a walking, talking plastic Barbie doll throughout the rest of the movie. There is a lot of depth to the Sue Snell character in the novel where she feels clouded by her morality and her somewhat wholesome, mundane life.
In the 1976 movie, it never really explores the relationship between Sue and Tommy but the movie at least tries to do that even though I didn't see any amount of chemistry between the two actors. Another special plot point is Sue's pregnancy. This was scrapped in the 1976 and 2002 adaptation but with this version, it never really hints at it and it's just a throwaway line to further enhance Carrie's Psychic powers.
Gabriella Wilde brought in a horribly wooden performance. I mean this girl could barely emote. And I think she was only hired for her looks than her overall talent.
Portia Doubleday as Chris was over-the-top and god-awful. You see Nancy Allen played the character in a way where you love to hate her. In this version, I just plain hate her. In the novel, she was just your typical mean girl who was nothing more than an entitled, spoiled rich girl who just happens to be influenced by her delinquent boyfriend Billy.
Speaking of Billy, let's focus on the actor for a little bit. Although he's got the bad boy look going for him, I really wasn't impressed by his performance. Again, when it comes to a role where a person suppose to be intimidating and threatening in a movie like this, it always turns out lackluster. Even if I liked him in Chronicle, he really didn't put any effort in this movie.
Okay back to Chris. In the 1976 film, She's still is the spoiled alpha bitch type, though, she's more of the puppeteer in the whole pig's blood plot. In this version, however, it's like the filmmakers are making her out to be this psychopath. They were trying so hard to make her the villain of the piece to the point where there is no realism to the character. For example, in the novel, Chris actually tries to stop Billy from running over Carrie. In this version, she encourages him because she is a straight-up sociopath. The filmmakers could've taken a chance to put some humanity into the character. Yeah, sure she's still a horrid, entitled bitch but she actually feels bad about the prom night incident. However, she is reduced to a borderline maniac.
She finally FINALLY gets her comeuppance by getting a rather gruesome death scene. That is completely fine by me.
I'm glad that this version gave Tommy Ross a personality to see how likable of a guy he is. Better yet the movie actually had the type of guy girls would obsess over. He's tall, gorgeous (of course) and has an incredible smile. So I have no complaint about that. Ansel Elgort is definitely the cat's meow.
Judy Greer was sadly miscast as Miss Desjardin. She just wasn't believable as the tough but soft-hearted gym teacher. She just came off like the goofy best friend in one of her romantic comedies. A role she's usually good at. Okay for a special note, Miss Desjardin does, in fact, survived in the novel. She's not quite so lucky in the 1976 film. That was one of the tragic moments of the movie because even though Miss Collins (her name in the film) was sincere to Carrie, she still gets killed. However, in this version, Carrie intentionally saves Miss Desjardin from the carnage. So yeah, Carrie just kills these people out of murderous glee while saving one of the few people that was nice to her. Make sense but it still doesn't make the story effective.
I would give the filmmakers props for bringing in the same screenwriter who wrote the 1976 original but that's also a problem as well. There were scenes that have the same word for word dialogue and some of it doesn't hold up in this version.
They also brought in Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa as a co-writer, who's mostly known for writing comic books. And that's sort of the feel that I got from this film. It felt like I was watching comic book movie instead of a psychological horror movie. Now this leads to the special effects. When I think of a horror movie, I don't think of a big-budget spectacle, which is exactly what this movie is. When I go back the 1976 film, I think of the story not the effects. When you adapt a story like Carrie, there has to be build up to those moments.
Now we're finally focusing on the Prom Night scene. It was a basic copycat of the Dark Phoenix saga and the death scenes were something out of a Final Destination movie. It was just so cartoony. And although the death of Billy and Chris was handled well, most of the time it was a bit of an overkill. Bigger and grander is not always better.
Once I heard the filmmakers were set to remake this, I said to myself, they should get a director with some indie cred and Kimberly Pierce is that type of director. Sure, what does Stephen King and Brian De Palma know about teenage girls? Kimberly Pierce was the perfect choice since Boys Don't Cry was a great movie with great direction. But I was really disappointed by the lack of vision this movie has. Pierce's direction is just so off. You never get any subtle quiet moments that made the original memorable.
The modern setting is the biggest problem that I had with the film. Okay, there's a part where Chris videotapes Carrie in the shower and uploads it on the internet. What an idiot. It's like she's basically trying to get herself expelled from school. And that's why you can't have a story like this set in modern times. Sure, bullying still goes on in this day and age but it would've been more appropriate to set this in the '70s since both the book and the original movie was set in that era. What they could've done was set the movie in 1979 then go further to present time to interview people that had experiences with Carrie. I say this because the book uses that same form where it had experts from books and interviews explaining Carrie's psychosis.
Though this is what totally pissed me off. There were missing scenes that was cut from the movie. Like a whole chunk of them. And the director's cut is probably a different and much better movie than the one we got here. I don't know who's idea to cut these, what I call, important scenes but it was probably studio interference. How sad.
In fact, we don't get to see Carrie destroy half of Chamberlin. They have the special effects for that but it was still cut which baffles me because I'm pretty sure I saw the scene in the trailer somewhere.
The strongest part of the novel was how everybody is deeply affected in the aftermath. It was kind of sad and tragic in a way. There could've been some potential to put that in this movie.
This leads me to the final problem I have with this film, it had no emotional impact. The 1976 film brought out many emotions from me. I was sad, I was happy, I was scared, and I was sad again to the point where there were tears in my eyes. That's how wonderful the original is. This version just ends with a hint of a sequel that we didn't ask for. I just felt nothing about this movie. It was empty and shallow and nowhere near as gut-wrenching or tragic as the original.
The Verdict? Always always always watch the original. It's an all time classic and one of the best horror movies of it's time. This version, however, is nothing more than a stale imitation. They have a good actress to play the part but it doesn't really save the movie from being bland. It's not as investing and it doesn't hook you in, it's just a run-of-the-mill, generic horror remake.
My Last Word: Like I said, go watch the original, far much better film.
