A Nightmare On Elm Street Ranking

 

Aw, yes, we have reached to the first boogeyman who affected my childhood, the one and only Freddy Kruger. This is one of my all time favorite horror franchises but sadly, this series also has it's ups and downs. It's a shame because based on the concept of it's premise, it has so much potential. Not to mention, Freddy Kruger is one of the most recognizable villains in the past century and some part of me wished he was utilized well throughout the series. Though I still enjoyed some entries of the list, I have to sort out the good and the bad. So let's begin, shall we:

9. A Nightmare On Elm Street (The Remake) - Holy Crap! This remake is the worst of the worst. It's stale, it's boring, and it's mind-numbingly awful. The filmmakers totally missed the point of what made the original so effective. It's a very slow, methodical, and psychological film, and although the remake attempts to replicate that, it's bombarded with flash cuts, jump scares, and music video edits. It never gives you time to breathe or even engage with the atmosphere. It starts, then it stops, and that's it. It's downright horrible filmmaking and a total headache to watch. Even though I think Jackie Earle Haley is a good actor, he does not make a good Freddy Kruger in my opinion. Though it's not all his fault, it's the awful script that brings him down. Although the main cast aren't bad actors themselves, their characters are extremely bland, the worst being Nancy herself. And lastly, let me repeat, CGI is not scary and there's a ton of it in this film. It just strips off all of the personality of the original, making this the most bland, insipid, uninspired, and unnecessary horror remake of all time. 

8. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare - This was the film that finally put the nail in the coffin for the series. Turning Freddy into all out jokester is not a good idea in my opinion. I know some people are fans of jokester Freddy but I'm not one of them. Freddy is a full-on parody of himself and it's kind of embarrassing to watch. I get that Robert Englund is naturally funny and charismatic but that's not what Freddy Kruger is. He's supposed to be terrifying with a very dark sense of humor. Instead, the filmmakers gave him the Wile E. Coyote approach. There's actually a scene where Freddy sets up a trap and literally looks at the camera. It's fucking ridiculous. Not only that, the writing is equally bad. I just don't picture Freddy as this 1950s family man. It doesn't make sense to the narrative and doesn't make sense to the character who's supposed to be this working-class weirdo who hides out in the depths of the boiler room. Nothing about this movie works. The side characters are goofy, the deaths, instead of creative and elaborate, are cartoonish and silly, the main characters are either bland or unlikable, including the main heroine who happens to be Freddy's daughter, and lastly, it's a dense and unmemorable film. This is, hands down, the worst of the series. Period. 

7. A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child - This one is more disappointing than outright bad. This is where the series was going to go back to its darker roots and, in the beginning, it had potential. But as soon as Freddy showed up, it all went downhill from there. The tone is very uneven. It doesn't know whether it wants to be like the original or follow up with the much campier fourth film. Whereas the special effects from the fourth film were the highlights, the effects for this one are its low point. It looks like something out of Pee-Wee's Playhouse or even Goosebumps. Yes, it looks that juvenile and if Claymation can be used to great effect (Like the early Evil Dead movies I might add), it isn't here. Although the deaths are somewhat creative, Dan's being the most brutal in my opinion, the execution is clearly lacking. Greta's death could be horrifying if it wasn't cut and less comical, but the final result is ludicrous. They literally puff up her cheeks to make her look like a Muppet, it's baffling. Mark's death could be great too if the execution wasn't poor. The filmmakers had the gall to have Freddy riding a freakin' skateboard, it was asinine. And Super Freddy? Were they kidding? I think they were kidding. Who thought that was a good idea? Freddy is probably at his most obnoxious. He's not a complete self-parody like he will be in part 6 but he's heading up there. Not to mention, this was one of Freddy's worst makeup jobs. He looks like an ancient old man with clown makeup. The overall rushed nature of the film squandered the potential that this should've had but without any thought process or a finished script, what can you do? Lisa Wilcox's performance is probably the best thing about this movie where everything else such as the character writing, special effects, and Freddy falls flat, she remains unscathed. Other than that, its a forgettable sequel with nothing else to offer. 

6. A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master - Although this was an entertaining Nightmare sequel, compared to the previous film, this really isn't all that great. This came out during the writer's strike and just a year after Dream Warriors, so it's very apparent that the movie was going to have some problems and one of those problems was killing off the Dream Warriors in the most unceremonious way. At this point, the fans have grown attached to these characters and the way they're used here was just uncalled for. First of all, they dumb down Kincaid and Joey in order for Freddy to be easy prey for them. For some reason, they don't believe Kirsten when they're actually inside Freddy's house in Kirsten's dream, and, for some reason, Joey thinks that since the pipes aren't hot that means Freddy won't be coming back. Oooookay...Also when Kirsten shows the bite wound from Kincaid's dog, they still don't believe her, and it's kind of frustrating to watch. Second of all, the chemistry between them feels off. Instead of a heartfelt reunion between friends who bonded through trauma, there is this looming tension between Kirsten and the boys. This has to do with the recasting of Tuesday Knight, which didn't sit well with Rodney Eastman and Ken Sagoes. Third of all, when they were killed off,  the Dream Warriors were treated more like an afterthought, which was very disrespectful in my opinion. Nancy's death in Part 3, was poignant and heartfelt, and she died with dignity, saving Kirsten from Freddy's grip. But when The Dream Warriors are killed, they die with no dignity at all. Kirsten, the last kid of the Elm Street mob, doesn't even get a funeral scene. Instead, it's a rather cliched scene of Alice looking at home videos and a brief glimpse of her gravestone. What a waste. Now I know the special effects are the film's highlight and it's definitely an achievement but there's this one particular scene that rubs me the wrong way. The dog-pissing fire scene is one of them. Who's idea was that and why? Why not just get one of the cars in the scene to drip oil, creating a ring of fire around Freddy's grave? That would've been way much better. However, one of the worst aspects of the movie is that the Dream Warriors are killed in favor of some bland and forgettable characters. The only character that I was totally invested in was Alice and she's the only one that gets any semblance of character development. The second half gets a little better but the first half is really rough. I know it seems like I'm going on a rant at this point but the flaws in this movie stick out like a sore thumb.  Freddy has been officially commercialized and this is the beginning of the end of what was ever good about the series, which was the story and characters. With the exception of a captivating heroine, cool special effects, and a cool soundtrack, Dream Master is a below-average film at best. 

5. Freddy Vs. Jason - Like I said before, Freddy and Jason are the best characters in this movie where everybody else is stranded on the waste side. There would've been an interesting mix of the Friday the 13th and A Nightmare On Elm Street characters. But instead, the filmmakers go for the usual cardboard cutouts that don't hold a candle to either one of those characters. Ironically, the two leads are probably the worst of the bunch, particularly the male lead Will. Jason Ritter has become a better actor over the years and he seems like a really nice guy too but he is terribly wooden in this movie. I would much preferred Brendan Fletcher's Mark as the film's lead. Not only does he have the better acting chops but he has just amount of the character development for the audience to give a shit about him to where Will has none. Also, if fate would have it, Brad Renfro would've been a good choice, too. He has the right level of intensity that could've fit the character better. I will stand by my opinion and say that Lori Campbell is one of the worst final girls of either franchise. Monica Keena seems like a cool person too, but she's really not good in this. Though it's not entirely her fault, the script does nothing for her character. Even Monica says the script is terrible and I agree with her. Yes, one of the takeaways from this movie is the script. It's just not great and the only thing that has going for is the special effects, Freddy, and Jason. That's it. So, Freddy Vs. Jason may not hold up well but at least a dumb fun popcorn time waster. 

4. A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge - I know this is a very divided movie for some people but Freddy's Revenge is kind of decent in my opinion. Sure, it breaks a lot of rules and doesn't live up to the original in terms of story, however, the movie is underrated with it's hidden themes. Freddy is still creepy in this and the makeup effects by Kevin Yahger is well-done. Freddy has a little bit of a personality in this one but he's still very sinister here. Now I know most of the characters are nothing to write home about, but I think Mark Patton's performance as Jesse really stands out to me. He's not the typical male hero you see in every horror film, Jesse is quite vulnerable and you can tell he's struggling internally, particularly in that it's not only Freddy is haunting him, but his burgeoning homosexuality is too. Sure, the screenwriter's intention was not pure but Mark Patton really sells the role and it's shown through his own struggles as a gay actor at the time. Now had they got rid of the more campier aspects of the film such as Jesse's dance scene, the demonic parakeet scene, the bouncing balls scene, and some of the pool party scene, this would've been a solid sequel right between the first and third film. Overall, this was an interesting entry. Not great mind you, but still interesting. 

3. A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - This is the best of the best right here. The all-time great horror sequel to a highly inventive slasher film. It expands the backstory of Freddy without giving too much away and still adds that level of mystery that's needed for a concept like this. Speaking of Freddy, the filmmakers do a good job of balancing out his character, making him both comical and sinister. However, the characters are what made this film so memorable. They bring back Nancy, which I love and she's there to be a sort of mentor to the new kids. And what makes this so interesting is that they're not your typical slasher victims. They're portrayed as real teens with real problems and they're so vulnerable in fact, that you can't help but feel for them. That's what makes this sequel so pure. But to top it all off, the special effects are the real star of the show. The inventiveness on display is just masterful and it shows how you can put any idea on the table with a concept like A Nightmare On Elm Street. This was the sequel that set the series in motion, forever encapsulating the cultural zeitgeist of 80s horror sequels and I love every minute of it. 

2. Wes Craven's New Nightmare - This is the top tier Nightmare sequel and one of the true finales of the franchise. All of it is not all perfect but thanks to the greatness that is Wes Craven and the amazing performance from Heather Langencamp, it has this special quality that sets it apart from the other Nightmare sequels. It has all the elements of a "final" sequel: Bringing back a female heroine that we know and love, special callbacks, and honoring the tone and feel of the first film. Craven goes for the meta approach, commenting on the state of the Nightmare films and Freddy's impact on pop culture. But the strongest element of the film is the exploration of Heather Langencamp along with the juxtaposition between reality and fiction. My favorite part of the film is when the script completely takes over the real world where Heather must play Nancy...one last time. It's beyond epic! I like how Wes Craven made Freddy creepy  again, without the usual wisecracks. When it comes to Wes Craven's vision of A Nightmare On Elm Street, it's very psychological. So instead of gaudy special effects and disposable teens, it's about a mother protecting her child from Freddy's grip, which makes us sympathize with the central characters easily. There was actual care put into this film moreso than the later Nightmare films. With it's clever commentary and engaging plot, this definitely deserves to be on the top of the list. This is a must-see.

1. A Nightmare On Elm Street (The Original) - There is without a doubt that the first film is the best of them all. The tone, the look, the feel, it all works here. The film is also a great example of less is more, considering that it was made on a low budget yet the special effects holds up really well. My motto will always be less is more when it comes to state of the art effects. I also feel like a horror movie works best is when the monster is rarely shown. Freddy is only seen in darkly lit shadows with very little dialogue and even when he's not onscreen, you can still feel his presence. You can tell that Wes Craven wanted to focus on the psychological horror instead of the usual hack and slash routine that was prevalent in 80s slashers at that time. Freddy is at his best when he's dark and sinister and this one takes the cake. Robert England is very effective in his first outing without a wink or nod to the audience. Furthermore, the characters are utilized well, especially Nancy Thompson. She's more than just an interchangeable final girl who defeats the killer at the end, she's an actual character that we care about and know so much about that we as the audience become attached her narrative. It's a good versus evil story that texturizes the concept without being formulaic. But here's where I'm gonna pull a What If: Instead of Ronee Blakely in the role of Marge, I rather much prefer Abby Dalton from Falcon Crest, who has better chemistry with John Saxon and is a lot more intense than Blakely. With the ending, I would just have Nancy drive away with her friends happily while Freddy attacks Marge out of the blue. So there you have it. Besides all that, this movie is a bonafide 80s classic and remains the top of the horror film food chain. 

Friday The 13th Ranking

 

I know some consider the Friday The 13th franchise to be "not great" but there are actually some decent entries in the series. Some I would probably consider as cult classics. Yes, sure, the Friday The 13th series is not art, but it's the art of horror filmmaking and some of the film directors of these movies have a mutual understanding of Jason Voorhees being a cultural horror icon with interesting variations that makes him stand out in each entry. So without further ado, let's begin:

12. Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday - I did say this was watchable...if you don't view it as a Friday The 13th movie. Now when I think about it, it's actually gotten worse over the years. As a young kid, my expectation of the movie was too high. I've got to admit, the cover of this film was pretty cool. But that's all the good I have to say about it. The directing is very amateurish with the exception of a few good special effects and the writing is equally as bad. When I watch the interviews of Adam Marcus, he seems very out of touch and has no idea what he's talking about. He's more concerned about how fans are complaining about what color Jason's clothes are than the actual issue, which is his lack of understanding of The Friday The 13th lore with the addition of some rather confusing plot points. I would say one good thing about this, I thought the two leads were fine, it's just, unfortunately, they're in a really shitty movie with really shitty writing. There were just too many cooks in the kitchen with this one and it's the worst of the series by far. 

11. Jason X - Sorry guys, this was my least favorite of the series. I just don't care when a horror franchise sets its main villain in space. It's such a dumb idea and you know the filmmakers working on it are running out of ideas at this point. For an ambitious project, it has a rather cheap execution. The spaceship is just a set with a CGI backdrop. Nothing about it stands out and it's quite boring to watch. Blade Runner, this isn't. The filmmakers try to do the self-aware thing with Scream and Friday Part 6 before it but it's not as clever. It just feels like I'm watching one of those bad SciFi movie of the week specials. I get why people find this to be so bad, it's good but it's still my least favorite of the franchise. 

10. Friday The 13th (The Remake) - I know this movie has its fans, but it's just not for me. Okay, let me start with the positives, Derek Mears did a good job as Jason and is probably the best part of this movie...and that's all. Everything else is forgettable trash. The worst part of this movie has got to be the characters and I know what you're saying, "Well, it's a Friday The 13th film, what did you expect?" But at least the characters in the earlier films were at least likable. The characters in this film are either obnoxious frat boys or vapid sorority girls with the exception of  Clay, Jenna, and Whitney. The script is subpar, the gore effects are meh, and although the visual aesthetic is more pleasing to the eye, it still comes off as bland. Overall, I just didn't like this movie and I won't be watching it again anytime soon. 

9.  Friday The 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan - Wow. This has got to be the most nonsensical sequel of them all. This was at a time when the series was heading towards a supernatural route starting with Part 6, which made the series more fun in my opinion. This came right after Part 7 featuring a girl with telekinetic powers. So, of course, the filmmakers of this one decided to be lazy. It's basically a retread of Part 7 but worse. I mean the stuff with Jason on a Boat is fun but it soon wears a little thin for a while. The worst aspect of the movie is the supernatural angle. It's never really explained why the final girl keeps having visions of young Jason. I mean sure, it is revealed that it's a part of her childhood trauma but it still doesn't tell us how she has these psychic visions of Jason. Also, Jason suddenly gains the power of teleportation? Again, none of this is ever explained and it makes for a very confusing watch. It's not as bad as I remembered, but it is certainly not as good. Though I would say, The Darkest Side of Night song is quite catchy.

8. Friday The 13th Part 5: A New Beginning - The reason why this is so low on the list is not that Jason's not in the movie, it's mostly for the overall sleazy vibe that makes it less enjoyable to watch. Some part me of believes that something like this has potential. The plot is actually not half-bad with Tommy Jarvis returning as a tortured young man attending a camp for troubled teens. We could've had a Nightmare On Elm Street: Dream Warriors type of story as we get to know the teens and know what their damage is before "Jason" gets them. But no, that's not the story we got here. Nobody gets any character development, not even Tommy. It's just random kill after random kill. And I know what you're gonna say "It's a Friday The 13th film, what did you expect?" But as I like to reiterate, in the earlier films, the characters had a least some shred of personality, and believe it or not, there was a plot in those movies. On top of that, the characters in this film don't act like real human beings. They're either over-the-top theatrical or just plain repulsive and unlikable. To add more to the sleaziness, there's an ample amount of female nudity. Unnecessarily so. Sure, this is the same guy who once directed softcore porn but hear me out. Believe it or not, there's not really much nudity in these films as everybody like to assume. Even the first one didn't have much nudity with only a quick shot of Kevin Bacon's butt. And when there was nudity, it was, dare I say it, tastefully done. In the '70s and '80s, the young crowd would usually go skinny-dipping and in the early movies, it felt natural and wasn't overly sleazy, but, this definitely went overboard, which includes the remake. It's also very out of focus, I don't know who the real main character is, and the story and its plot twist are kind of all over the place.  It's somewhat watchable for what it is but it's not the best.

7. Friday The 13th: 3D - Once upon a time, I used to like this movie and would watch it so many times. But over the years I've realized that this movie is incredibly cheesy. The characters have actually become caricatures, including this unconvincing biker gang, the 3D effects are really hokey and soured my enjoyment of the film, and lastly, the pacing slogs through most of the time. There are some positives, however. Even though I find the actress to be melodramatic, Chris' story arc was actually well done, which gives a connection between the killer and the final girl. Speaking of, the whole third act, the climatic fight between Jason and Chris is actually quite thrilling. This is also the entry where Jason wears his iconic hockey mask and the rest is history. This may be dumb, but at least it's dumb fun. 

6. Friday The 13th Part 7: The New Blood - There was a point in time when I did like this movie but the novelty has worn off. I guess it's because I was a huge Carrie fan and to see a character with similar powers battle it off with Jason got me really hyped up. To be fair, that's probably one of the best and only parts of the movie. Everything else kind of falls off the rails for me and it's actually a step down from the actionized Part 6, which kept itself apart from the other movies, which are standard slasher fare. But at least this is Kane Hodder's first appearance as Jason and the look of Jason is pretty awesome. But I have to say, the only characters that ever got a hold of me were Tina, Nick, Tina's mom, and maybe Dr. Cruise. Not because he was likable, mind you, far from it, but at least he was interesting. The rest of the characters felt like they were pulled out of an after-school teen drama and had nothing else to offer. And once we get to the middle of the movie, half of the couples have sex and it gets a bit too salacious for me, not as bad as the remake, but still. However, it makes up for a spectacular third act involving a showdown with Jason and Tina. But unfortunately, we're left with a very confusing ending where Tina's dead father comes out and grabs Jason underwater. After that, Tina and Nick are carried out on the stretcher, and...the movie just ends. So yeah, this movie was just okay, not great by any means, but just okay. 

5. Freddy Vs. Jason - For all the hype that it's got, this turned out to be a mediocre movie for me. It's not all bad. I think some of the special effects hold up, particularly the practical effects and the battle between Freddy and Jason is pretty epic. But the downside is the characters. Back in the early to mid-2000s, horror films had a habit of focusing on unlikable characters you can't wait to see die.  I get the feeling that the writers of this film based these characters on kids that they hated in high school. They're either bland, annoying, or just plain uninteresting, and that includes our leads, Lori and Will. The only interesting characters in this film are Freddy and Jason themselves. I mean their names are in the title, so of course they're the focus through and through. But besides all that, it's a good popcorn flick. Not great mind you, but good on its own.

4. Friday The 13th (The Original) - By today's standards, This would be considered a below-average slasher at best but in my opinion, it's one of the classic examples of the slasher genre. Sure, Halloween set the mold but Friday The 13th made a run for its money, thanks to the beautiful cinematography, artful direction, and last but not least, the amazing special effects by Tom Savini. Sure, the pacing might be a little off, which is one of the film's issues but it makes up for it with a climatic final act that was totally worth it. Although the characters don't stand out in terms of writing and development, at least the cast is charismatic and likable enough to care about whether they live or die. Plus, they're portrayed as real people and not just cardboard cutouts. Not to mention, Betsy Palmer's ballsy performance as Pamela Voorhees. I'm telling ya, that lady can act her ass off! And don't get me started on that ending. Oh boy, what a treat! So, this was definitely one of the more enjoyable entries and deserves the honorable achievement of kickstarting a classic horror franchise.

3. Friday The 13th: Part 2- Okay if the first one kickstarted the series, this sequel is the one that started it all.  Holy cow! it's so much more entertaining and dare I say better than the original in terms of characters and pacing. 1981 was the perfect year for this movie to come out. Right on the dime! This movie is actually Jason's first outing. Sure, he doesn't have the iconic hockey mask yet but he's still a very effective killer in this one. He's a bit clumsy and awkward but he's very effective at being a creepy woodsman, which I feel like that's what the filmmakers were going for and the 2009 remake attempted to do. Also, you have the amazingly charming Amy Steel as our final girl Ginny Field. I feel like that should've put her to good use. Maybe they should've put her in Part 5 in place of Pam. Nothing against Pam, she's cool but that would've made that movie TEN times better in my opinion. So yeah, Part 2 is definitely one of my favorites. Better story, better pacing, and a captivating heroine. Just perfect.

2. Friday The Part 6: Jason Lives - Wow! This movie was action-packed! We have a way more charismatic and well-rounded Tommy Jarvis, Megan Garris, a dynamic lead heroine who compliments Tommy, creative kills, likable side characters, and a take-no-charge Jason who can go toe to toe with The Terminator. This is tons of fun and it knows it's fun. It has a well-developed story that actually has a flow and explores the mythology of Jason Voorhees. I like how the director incorporated smoky fogs, ominous dim lighting, vacant cemeteries, and an old-school horror vibe that sets it apart from the rest of the series. I also like the tongue-in-cheek self-aware humor while also taking a big risk by actually inviting kids to the campground for the first time. Considering how supernaturally powerful Jason is, it makes him a much bigger threat and that's what adds to the excitement. This is probably one of the most innovative of the series and pretty much made Jason into a pop culture icon.

1. Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter - This is the definitive Friday The 13th film and I've watched this more often times than I can remember. Jason is at his most brutal here and he's actually quite scary at times. There's also a dynamic cast of characters that are actually well-rounded. You have your typical teens partying it up in a vacation home and a single mother with two kids: lead heroine Trish and our future hero in the making, Tommy Jarvis. We also have horror movie maestro Tom Savini back on the drawing board, creating the most gruesome deaths on screen. Although this marks as the final movie of the series, this was only the beginning, molding the franchise into what it is today. Thanks to this movie, this is where the slasher genre reached it's peak. This is by far one of the best of the best. 

Halloween Franchise Ranking

 

Here is my ranking for the Halloween series. Like I said before, I am not the biggest fan of this franchise.  Most recently, the filmmakers are doing yet another iteration of Halloween. This time as a "cinematic universe" and a television series. Oh my god, can you let this franchise die! There more bad than good sequels and there's a only a few that I can call "decent." However, I'll save my thoughts on the ranking. Anywho, let's move on with the list:

13. Halloween: Resurrection - This is the bottom of the barrel, people. One of the worst horror sequels of all time and what's ironic about it is that this has no reason to exist. The ending of H20 had a finality to it and the whole point of the film was about the exploration of Laurie's trauma and her overcoming that. I think it's one of the best endings of the series: Laurie chopping off Michael's head and, with the ax in her hand, walks triumphantly to the path ahead. Just beautiful. This was the true ending of the Halloween series. But they completely undo this in the first 12 minutes, using tired exposition and plot contrivances. They unceremoniously kill off Laurie in favor of some bland, forgettable, and very unlikable characters. It's also incredibly dated with its use of a reality show/webcam gimmick akin to The Blair Witch Project. This is nothing more than a cash-grab sequel, milking out Michael for all what he's worth.

12. Halloween Kills - You already know how I feel about this one. This is like hilariously bad, truly the low point of the series. That "Evil Dies Tonight" mantra has been stuck in my head since watching this film and not in a good way. Not to mention, the characters in this movie were incredibly stupid on stupendous levels. Laurie is barely in the movie, Karen and Allyson are out of focus, and most of it is just Michael killing random people with some unnecessary (albeit stylishly well-done) flashbacks. It left me feeling hollow and empty, which made me realize that I'm not really a fan of this series. It's basically a filler movie with no purpose at all. 

11. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers - This film is a total mess and there's no other way to elaborate that. I can see that there was a purpose to making this because the previous movie ended on a cliffhanger. So this film was used to explain the cliffhanger in the worst way possible. I just feel like Michael's motives shouldn't be explained. It's not about what he's about, he just is. And it's all summed up in Dr. Lommis' monologue in the 1978 film. If you listen to it, there's the motive right there! Michael is just pure evil. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Having a cult control Michael's killing spree is beyond dumb and nonsensical. It's these horribly acted characters in these stupid robes and that's where the movie lost me. I consider both the theatrical cut and the producer's cut to be equally bad. You can't fix what was already broken. None of this works and, thankfully after this, the series got a much-needed reboot.

10. Halloween 2 (Rob Zombie Version) - This movie was a waste of my time and really hard to sit through. Not because it was disturbing, far from it.  It was because of how utterly OBNOXIOUS it was. Holy crap! Every single character, with a few exceptions, is god-awful. Laurie, our precious main character is a complete shrew throughout the whole film. Hearing her constantly yell and scream is like nails on a chalkboard. Well, it was only because I watched the director's cut but that's beside the point. This movie is also nonsensical with the whole psychic connection between Laurie and Michael while he has visions of his dead mother and a younger version of himself (?). And it's like what am I watching? Not to mention, the first twenty minutes is a DREAM. I mean what the fuck?! From then on, it all went downhill from there. Spliced up with nonsensical visions and Michael Myers killing people while looking like a hobo. Rob Zombie didn't even want to do this movie and I can see why. It's totally unwatchable and should be avoided at any cost. 

9. Halloween Ends - I know this movie has its defenders, but hear me out. The Corey Cunnigham subplot seems like a good idea on paper, but the execution is terrible. Case in point, the opening scene. Now when I first watched this I thought this was very shocking but then I realized, something was...off. David Gordon Green used a lot of comedy angles for this scene, especially when the kid Jeremy falls down the staircase. I just couldn't help but laugh, god help me. And from then on, we've got some terrible, terrible writing concerning Allyson and Corey's budding romance along with some detestable characters you can't wait to see die. Half of it feels like a horrible Stephen King adaptation where Michael takes a backseat. If it had different writers and a different director with a bit of rearranging, this might come out better than it was. But at the end of the day, I was just plain bored throughout. David Gordon Green did a good experiment with Halloween 2018, but I think he should stay away from horror franchises for right now.

8. Halloween (Rob Zombie Version) - This made me realize that I'm not the biggest Rob Zombie fan and his style of filmmaking doesn't translate well as a Halloween film. Even the original director John Carpenter agrees. First, Rob Zombie takes too much of his time developing the character, who starts off like a typical kid. Not particularly normal, but typical. Secondly, his appearance is that of a two-ton wrestler which misses the point. He basically body-slams his victims like it's WWE. What made Michael effective in the original is that he's an average-sized man blending in with society. That's what made him scary, he could be anybody. Lastly, half of the characters in this movie are total scumbags! It just loses the tension for me. Plus, it's kind of strange that Rob Zombie would add his usual hillbilly characters in a Halloween film. Haddonfield is supposed to be this mom-and-apple pie type of town and having his usual brand of weirdo characters just doesn't blend well. Overall, it's not that great.

7. Halloween 5: The Revenge (?) of Michael Myers - This was quite a tedious watch and not to mention, mildly confusing at times. The director was trying to add in these ideas that would stick but it doesn't land. Rachel, the final girl from the last movie, is killed off in favor of Tina, who's barely a character. And to retcon the cliffhanger from Return, they give Jamie a psychic connection to Michael. Oookay. On top of that, Donald Pleasence is extremely over-the-top, turning Dr. Loomis into a blubbering maniac, we have these two useless comic relief cops that serve nothing to the story, annoying teen characters, unnecessary jump scares, and very weak pacing. The only saving grace is Danielle Harris who gives a very sympathetic performance as Jamie and one of the few characters that I emphasized with. Other than that, this was a forgettable, subpar sequel.

6. Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers - This film was kind of mediocre. It has some things going for it, but the end result is left to be desired. I do like Rachel's story arc of becoming Jamie's protector but the love triangle subplot takes up most of the film. It feels like I'm watching a lame teen drama. The directing is sort of hit or miss. It has some effective scenes yet the rest is nothing to write home about. The first act starts off fine, and the second act is a little sluggish, but it picks up speed by the climax and that's where things get interesting. The positives of this movie go to Danielle Harris who gives a believable performance as Jamie. You really feel for her and the movie becomes much more suspenseful when a child's life is at stake. I would say that Donald Pleasance is still quite good here and gives a balanced performance that seems to be lacking in the later films. Anyway, I don't think this film is all the way awful, it still feels like a Halloween movie but, it's not my top favorite.

5. Halloween 2018 - I know this is a controversial spot right here but it's a slightly above-average movie at best. The directing is well done, one of the highlights is Michael rampaging through the neighborhood of Haddonfield just in one take. The acting isn't half-bad either with Jamie Lee Curtis being the shining beacon of them all. But it's the writing that keeps it from being great. The whole Dr. Sartain twist was a total step down and ruined the pace of the movie. Quite frankly, the entire middle section is kind of a mess and it isn't until the climatic battle between Laurie and Michael that things start to pick up. It's got some good ideas going for it but it's not well-executed enough to keep this higher on the list. 

4. Halloween 3: Season of the Witch - Now I have to be honest, I think this is just an okay film but at least the plot is engaging. Now I want to focus on the negatives first. Some of it is kind of cheesy. The acting from the female lead isn't all that great, the writing is kind of sluggish at times, and the pacing from the first act is really, really slow. But there are major positives, such as Tom Atkin's performance as a flawed but relatable everyman and Dan O'Herlihy's turn as an evil toymaker. However, the special effects take the cake. It's actually way gorier than Halloween 2! I can also see that there was a lot of thought and care put into this than the rest of the sequels that came after it. It's quite an inventive premise and it raises the stakes more in terms of storytelling.

3. Halloween 2 1981-Although this has its issues, it's still a solid Halloween sequel. The biggest highlight of the movie is the directing. Rick Rosenthal did an amazing job capturing the look and feel of the original that actually kept me engaged. There are a few missteps, such as the writing and characters. Laurie is bedridden throughout half of the movie and our focus is on the less-than-stellar hospital staff with zero personality. But it makes up for it with some inventive kills and a suspenseful chase scene between Laurie and Michael. It may not be a perfect movie but it's a perfect Halloween movie.

2. Halloween: H20 - This is hands down one of the best Halloween sequels. Again, it's not perfect but at least it focuses on Laurie's character development in a very real and honest way. It's less about the body count and more about the effects of Laurie's PTSD. There are some issues such as the tired jump scares, which is a big pet peeve of mine in horror films, and, once again, the writing of the characters, such as John and Molly's forgettable friends and LL Cool J's character who has some agency but is basically a glorified cameo. Besides all that, this is Jamie Lee Curtis at her best. After all, this is her movie through and through. The climax is probably one of my favorite parts. I love how Laurie just walks up to the school with an ax in her hand, ready to battle it out with Michael. It's so badass! But the ending takes the cake, wrapping things up with a neat little bow. This would've been the perfect trilogy too, with the theme being based on Laurie's trauma and her overcoming that. Starting with Halloween, Halloween 2, and H20. All in all, this film is the true finale of the original franchise. Locked and sealed.

1. Halloween - This is it. The forefather of slasher films and easily one of the best horror movies ever made. What works about Halloween is its simplicity and that's what lacking in the other films. This is also the best rendition of Michael Myers where he is presented as a normal-sized, normal-looking man who just happens to be an evil killing machine. When it comes to the suspense, it's not about the kills, it's about the anticipation of the kills. That's what makes Halloween so effective. You don't need blood and guts to make a horror movie engaging. It's all about the technique. The style of direction, the chilling music score, and the characters that we empathize with. Now, Annie and Lynda are nothing to write home about on paper but at least Nancy Kyes and P.J. Soles are charming in their performances. Although it's her first starring role, Jamie Lee Curtis is still riveting as Laurie Strode. With just that look in her eye, you know she's a star in the making. Lastly, Donald Pleasance gives a legendary performance as Dr. Sam Loomis, who's the Van Helsing to Michael's Dracula. Major props to John Carpenter who turned this low-budget B-flick into an all-time classic.

Scream 6 (2023)

 

After the success of Scream 5, the filmmakers decided to release yet another sequel early next year. From what I gather, most of the issues that I had with the last are still present here...and then some. This time, the filmmakers are going for a bigger, broader approach by switching the setting to New York. Okay, I guess that's an interesting choice. They also decided to bring back fan favorite Kirby as well. I can accept that. But let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? Neve Campbell, the main star of the Scream films is not in this sequel. Do you want to know why? Salary disputes. Can you honestly believe that? Neve Campbell is the soul of the series and the studios won't even pay her the salary that she deserves? It's baffling. Yeah, in a narrative sense, Sidney has moved on and has a quiet life with a husband and two kids, not wanting to get involved with the Ghostface murders but it's kind of odd to not have Neve Campbell in this outing. But anywho, what do I think of this movie? Kind of disappointing. Though it's not all bad. The opening scene was very promising, the New York setting gives away some really cool suspenseful scenes we haven't seen before, and they added some much-needed character development. Is it any better? Not quite, but at least Melissa Barrera has some much-needed range this time around. Other than that, the rest is kind of forgettable. I get that the filmmakers are trying new things but in the end, it's kind of formulaic. I never thought I say that about a Scream movie but here we are. Oh well, let's begin shall we?

The Story: After the ordeal she experienced back in Woodsboro, Sam Carpenter decides to move to New York with her sister Tara, who's starting her first year in college. But it seems as though the past always comes to haunt those who run from it and Sam's situation is no different. With an unsalvagable reputation and a crippling mental illness, Sam must stop another Ghostface from threatening her and sister's lives.

This cast of characters is...okay. That's all I have to say. It's a shame because they bring back fan-favorite Kirby and even Gale joins in on the action too. But something's lost here. The vibe this time around feels off and it feels like a completely different movie, which is the point but nothing seems to gel well. 

First, let's talk about the opening scene...

The scene starts with University professor Laura Crane (get it?) played by Scream Queen Samara Weaving who starred in The Babysitter films and Radio Silence's own Ready or Not. She's at a busy New York restaurant waiting for her date when she gets a phone call....who turns out to be her date. He apologizes for being late and wants to meet her in the alleyway. And you know what? She actually goes there! I get the feeling she never met this guy physically, so it's impossible to believe that this professional, seemingly intelligent woman would want to meet some random guy she met online in an alleyway. It just doesn't make sense for her character but, then again, this is a horror film, and in horror films, something has to happen. So yeah, she walks in the alleyway and hears the guy getting attacked on the phone. She runs out until...there's a familiar voice on the phone. It's none other than Ghostface luring Laura into her doom...Then, out of nowhere, he strikes!

And Ghostface really goes to town on her as if it's really, really personal. However, the scene doesn't end there. The camera stays steadily on the Ghostface Killer and then suddenly, he reveals his mask...

It turns out to be a random guy. Okay, I guess I'll go with that. But here's where things get really interesting.

He runs into Tara (yes, Tara Carpenter) and they have a friendly little chit-chat before he goes to his dorm. Oh yeah, the guy's name is Jason by the way. How convenient. Oh and get this. Once he goes inside his dorm room, guess what he's playing on TV. You guessed it! Jason Takes Manhattan. And that's where I was like, "Okay, this movie is a little too on the nose."

So, Jason calls up his partner in crime Greg, gloating about his killing of Laura, all because she gave him a C- on the subject of Giallo. Wow, is it that serious? But the person on the other line isn't Greg. But Jason doesn't know that considering that Greg is just fucking around with his Ghostface voice. During this back and forth, we figure out that Jason and Greg are conducting an evil plan to stalk Tara and Sam and kill their friends. But that all seems to come to a close when the voice on the other line tells Jason to check the fridge...

When he opens it, Jason sees Greg literally stuffed in the fridge, and out comes...

The actual Ghostface, giving Jason a taste of his own medicine.

Wow! What an opening! They sort of do the bait-and-switch thing, which I totally love. What makes it interesting is that the killers are revealed right away only to be killed off by the REAL killer of the movie and it plays into the notion that there might be a cult of Ghostfaces. Well, at least that's what I thought it would turn out to be. But it just goes completely left field. More on that later.

Before I get to the "Core Four", as Chad would like to call them (oh god), I would like to focus on the lesser characters. 

Here we have Danny Brackett played by Josh Segarra. All that we know about him is that he's really good-looking and Sam's love interest. Though Danny is not totally useless, he does help around but he's just there for the most part with very little screentime. And whatever chemistry Danny and Sam have is so non-existent. The relationship just comes out of nowhere, there's no build-up or anything. They just kiss and they're suddenly a couple. Oh well, I guess it's part of the really rushed nature of the film.

Then we have Anika Kayoko, Mindy's girlfriend, played by Devyn Nekoda, who really doesn't have any scenes of her own. She is always around Mindy, which makes her kind of like a satellite character. So yeah, that's all I got to say about her. She's Mindy's girlfriend and that's that. 

Then there's Sam's roommate Quinn Bailey, played by Liana Libertero, who is the daughter of Detective Wayne Bailey and has a habit of sleeping around. Quinn does have her moments but she barely gets any screentime, though I will say that Liana Libertero is naturally charismatic.

Lastly, we have Ethan Landry, played by Jack Champion, who is barely a character. He's just there where jokes are usually made at his expense because he's a virgin and a nerd. That's all. That's all that we know about him.

Okay, now we're working towards the more interesting characters:

There's Wayne Bailey, played by Dermot Mulroney, the detective who's investigating the murder case which somehow involves Sam. Dermot Mulroney does okay with the role. At times, he's kind of phoning it in but he gets a little better once his character becomes more proactive but oh boy, once we get to the third act, it all goes downhill from there. More on that later. 

In the place of Sidney, we have the one, the only Kirby Reed played by Hayden Panettiere. Would I call it a triumphant return? Um, I don't know. She just doesn't seem like the same type of character this time around. I just see her as this hard-boiled FBI agent since her entire character in the fourth film was about how she was a horror film fanatic. What if she was a screenwriter writing the new Stab film based on her experiences. That comes off much more organic to me. To put the cherry on top, she can collaborate with Gale. Anywho, I thought Hayden Panettiere did an okay job. She doesn't have the spunk that she has from the fourth film but it was passable. 

Then have the quick-witted Gale Weathers, played by Courtney Cox, who's always on the case. Did she learn anything in the last film? Not really. She was going to write a book about Dewey but instead, she goes for the "If It Bleeds, It Leads" approach, which is a detriment to her character development. She writes a book about Sam and the Woodsboro murders from last year as if Sam has enough problems on her belt. Like I said with the Kirby segment, it would've been more organic if she was a consultant for Kirby who's making the next Stab film, you know instead of banking on controversy. Despite all that, Gale still does have a heart and she helps out the Core Four with sharp investigative skills. She gets a close call with the killer and gets almost killed as a result but, as always, Gale gets better. Courtney Cox is great as always. There may be a few mistakes with the writing of her characters but she pulls through fine. 

Okay, now we've made it to the Core Four and we're gonna start with the Meeks Twins:

Mindy Meeks, played by Jasmine Savoy Brown, is still pretty likable here but there are times when she comes off a bit annoying. There's the whole horror movie rules monologue that was built off from the last film that felt so unnecessary here. It just wasn't needed and it dragged the film down a bit. Then after somebody that she was close to dies horribly, she instantly blames Ethan. I get that she's traumatized but it makes her come off as irrational and I don't like it. Oh and here's a slight spoiler here, there's a moment where she gets stabbed in the subway and her reaction is, "Fuck this franchise." Really? You just got stabbed two times and that's all you have to say? And that's when the movie went down on the hills of cheesetopia. Ho-ly crap! Anywho, despite the (very terrible) writing issues, Jasmine Savoy Brown still does her best with the role. 

Then there's Chad Meeks played by the very gorgreous Mason Gooding. He's relegated to being Tara's love interest, which is fine, I do like the chemistry between them but it comes out of nowhere. Just to mention, there was no interaction between Chad and Tara in the last film, so it comes out of left field when they suddenly have feelings for each other. But besides all that, Chad is still the loveable, adorable jock that we all love and Mason Gooding is still his sweet and charming self. 

Now we focus on Tara, played by the ever-so-talented Jenna Ortega. This time around, Tara tries to move on from her past and starts a new life in college but her constantly paranoid sister Sam keeps hovering over her, but then again, her first scene starts with her almost getting date-raped by a college jock so she's lucky that her sister and friends were around at all. That's pretty much the core of Tara's arc is how she wants to take control of her life and let the past die. As always, Jenna Ortega kills it (no pun intended) and it would be nice if she became the ultimate heroine in the next sequel.

Lastly, we have Sam, played by Melissa Barrera. The filmmakers give her a lot more to do this time and it gives Melissa Barrera a better acting performance. Sam's character is actually explored, which was definitely needed from the last movie. Now I never really jived with her being Billy Loomis' daughter. It was cheesy then and it's cheesy now but at least the filmmakers made Sam a more complex character. She frets over her sister's safety, goes to therapy to deal with her mental illness, and deals with the scrutiny of being a serial killer's daughter. It gives a lot of weight to her situation and it makes Sam more...tolerable. Not better but tolerable. 

The biggest draw of the movie is the amazing set pieces that are made for some tight-knit suspenseful scenes. The highlights are The Convenient Store Scene, The Ladder Scene, and The Subway Scene. Let's talk about the Convenient Store Scene. Oh man, that was intense! This was actually the first time a Ghostface killer used a gun. And gives the clue that maybe this Ghostface is skilled at what he/she does. They're not clumsy, they're not bumbling, they're a true hunter looking for their prey. Then we have the Ladder Scene, which was done extremely well. So, the characters are trapped with the Ghostface who sneaked in and killed one of their friends. They barricade the door and from across the street, Danny takes out a ladder that reaches towards the window. The entire scene is agonizingly suspenseful as the characters have to slowly climb on the ladder without falling. Holy shit! I was totally on the edge of my seat! My favorite scene of all, however, is the Subway Scene. Maybe I'm in the minority but subways are the best settings for horror films. What I also like about his scene is that there are special little horror easter eggs. Since this is set around Halloween, people are dressed up in all sorts of costumes, including our favorite slasher movie villains, Michael, Freddy, Jason, and especially Ghostface. That's the real kicker of the scene and that's why it's so suspenseful.

Okay, out with the good and in with the bad. I have to say, the dialogue this time around is...kind of cheesy. I would never say that about a Scream film but here we are. I could probably count about 50 f-bombs, some daytime soap opera dialogue, terrible quips, and the usual movie references. It's not all bad but it gets a little grating at times. However, the real kick in the balls has got to be the third act.

Since this is set in a big city, it would be impossible to have two Ghostfaces running around, so it would've been an awesome concept to have a cult of Ghostfaces but...this is not what we get here. It's far worse than you can imagine. 

There are at least three killers in the movie, and those three killers are:

Quinn, Ethan, and Wayne revealing themselves to be the sister, the brother, and the father of Richie Kirsch. So it's basically a retread of Scream 2. The climax is even set in a movie theater. Wow, just wow. I never thought the writing could be that lazier. First off, I don't give a fuck about the character of Richie and I don't even know why this is a thing. Secondly, the acting from these three has gotten extremely over-the-top, especially from Dermot Mulroney. He is hella hammy and not in a good way. Lastly, how the hell can he afford a theater with years worth of police evidence on a detective's salary? Again, it leaves more plot holes than it should. So Tara and Sam go toe to toe with the family of psychos and there are a lot of punches, beatings, and stabbings until Tara takes down Ethan by stabbing him in the mouth and Sam takes down Quinn with a shot in the head. Finally, Sam makes her move on Detective Bailey where her CGI ghost dad Billy (yes they bring him back and I don't know why) convinces her to put on the Ghostface costume to give Bailey a good stabbing. And that, Sam does, practically mutilating the guy. It seems to be all over but Ethan (who just got stabbed multiple times including the mouth, mind you) runs out to attack until Kirby smashes him with the very same TV that killed Stu Macher. Woop di do. 

So everybody's reunited, which also includes Chad, who was stabbed multiple times by two killers, somehow survives and is pulled out on a stretcher where Tara runs into his arms in a romantic embrace. There's also Mindy, who was also stabbed two times in the stomach, but for some reason seems perfectly fine, running across two feet without a limp or no pain. What the hell is going on here? Shouldn't this take place at the same hospital where Gale is? And even though, I'm glad that Chad is alive, there's no way anybody could survive his attack. I'm pretty sure they've hit an artery somewhere but oh well. Like I said this series is getting a bit cartoonish at this point where everyone can just have casual conversations while having bloody open wounds. It just makes me appreciate how realistic the first two films were. So as everything comes to a close, Sam gazes at the Ghostface mask, hinting that she might get the thrill of being a serial killer after all...

Wow, what a movie. The sad part is that it had so much potential and it went crumbling down once it got started. The really rushed nature is pretty much evident and the fact that they couldn't afford Neve Campbell is ludicrous to me considering that each of these movies makes a substantial amount of money. Even in the worst box office openings, they still make money, including merchandise. Oh and just to mention, half of the movie is not even set in New York because of budget reasons. Shocker! Plus, the writing issues are very apparent here, so I can see why they would have those amazing setpieces to distract us from the not-so-good writing. Like I said, it's not bad but it's sure as hell disappointing. 

They're making yet another sequel, this time replacing the Radio Silence team with Christoper Landon (the director of the Happy Death Day films and Freaky) to which I might check those movies out for reference but until I hope this is the last one because this series is balancing on a thin line of self-parody. Let's just hope the eighth film won't involve time travel like the Stab films...

My Last Word: Not bad but not great either. It's probably good for a rental.