Friday, January 27, 2012

Black Christmas(2006)

Oh God, this was a stinker. What bugs me the most is how unpleasant the characters are. It's bad enough we have to waste our precious 90 or so minutes watching these superficial, shallow bitches go at each other. The original cast was much more likeable than this repulsive bunch. Not only that, the kills are lame and tired and there's not an ounce of suspense to keep the story rolling.
So you all know the story: Rich, spoiled sorority sisters decide to spend their Christmas at their college campus, only what they don't know is there is a an escaped mental patient inside their house, waiting for his thirst of blood to spill upon the girls. Like I said the characters are pretty annoying. They are nothing but a bunch of vapid, insipid rich girls who complain, whine, and spit insults at each other. One of my favorite characters in the original was Barb. She stole the show with her raunchy jokes and drunken antics. This version of Barb is a pale comparison. All she does is act bitchy, lay around, drink her wine, and look pretty. Phyllis, the nice girl is now played by Michelle Trachtenberg who was actually good, it was a shame we didn't get to see much of her and I did felt some sympathy when her character died because she was one of the few decent ones. On a special note, Andrea Martin, the actress who played Phyllis, is a hoot as the girls' house mother. Lacey Charbert is also a hoot gaining her comedic chops from her mean girls fame. Mary Elizabeth Wienstead could've done a better job but of course since she was such a waste of character, there really wasn't much to give her any development. There wouldn't be a slasher film if you don't have a hunky guy involved and that is the case with Oliver Hudson. He is quite the philandering jerk in this movie and not much to his character etheir but boy is he hot or what?
Last but not least our final girl of the movie who is played by veteran horror and TV actress Kelli Pressley. She was quite good here. I mean she's no Jamie Lee Curtis but at least she did her best. Would've been much better if there was character development involved. All we see to her character is the cute blond good girl. But who cares, this movie was so shitty it couldn't give the actors or their roles any justice.
The kills were pretty lame. And just to be sure, in the 1974 version, there is only one death scene in which a character is suffocated through a plastic bag. In this version, this happens repeatedly including getting their eyes gouged out. Seeing this over and over again is just stupid. Compared to the 1974 film, the kills were  much more inventive and the building up of those scenes kept you on the edge of your seat. also in the original, it wasn't just your typical slasher film, it was thriller with interesting characters and realistic situations but like any other horror remake, it just sucks the life out of it, making it into a run-of-the-mill slasher shitfest.
My last word: A waste of your time and my five bucks at the movie theater.


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